February 13, 2003
LOGIC, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion -- thus:
_Major Premise_: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as
quickly as one man.
_Minor Premise_: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds;
therefore --
_Conclusion_: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.
This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.
February 14, 2003
TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
February 15, 2003
ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.
When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward
He went away exclaiming: "O my Lord!"
"What do you want?" the Lord asked, bending down.
"An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown."
Jum Coople
February 16, 2003
GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
February 17, 2003
WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
February 18, 2003
KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.
Ah but what is under the kilt that is the question?
Don't know if I really want to think about it.
A Scot on holiday in Lunnon gets a pint too many, and the pints get the better of him, so he wanders off, eventually falling asleep under a shrub in a park. Two young ladies strolling by see him, and, anxious to know the answer to the age-old mystery, lift his kilt. Giggling hysterically, one takes a blue ribbon from her hair, and ties it around what they've found beneath. Awaking later, with a near bursting bladder, Jock staggers off behind some topiary, and, lifting his kilt to relieve himself, notes with surprise his new decoration: "Well, laddie, i don't know where ye've been, but i see ye've won first prize!"
Somehow I think Ambrose Bierce would've liked that story.
February 19, 2002
MEANDER, n. To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.
Larry - Zonker!!! - I am in awe! (check out the pissy avatar I've gone with right now).
I was trying to figure out what it was last night - my eyes were a bit blurry. I liked the teeth better, but this one is clever. I have a nice vulture chewing on somebody (animated), would you like that?
February 20, 2003
MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.
Are you kidding! Zonker Harris!! You IS the man!!
Mr. S - I meant for you - I can give you the url of the image (the vulture) if you like, in place of the avatar you have now.
February 21, 2003
SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.
The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint:"I am delighted to hear that Monsieur de Sales is a saint. He was fond of saying indelicate things, and used to cheat at cards. In other respects he was a perfect gentleman, though a fool."
