In a weird situation regarding soon to be ex husband

in april 2002 i got married to my boyfriend of about 3 years. He was in the military at the time and we were married by a JOP-we did not tell anyone except he told his dad and we told a few friends. we wanted it to be a secret then we would have a bid wedding a year later-out familes and everyone else thought we were engaged-yes crazy i know. I was 23 at the time, really thought i'd be with him forever and my parents would not have approved of us getting married by a JOP. To make it short-a year later my ex called me on the phone and told me he wanted to divorce. This was in June 2003...and we are still not divorced. There are complications because we were married in CA, now I'm in NY and he is in VA. So it has taken a while on the lawyers part, we didnt even see lawyer until november after it happened...but it seems to be on it's way and hopefully the divorce will go through soon. Since then i did have a relationship with someone else. I was seperated from my husband (hard to even think of him as my husband since i've seen him twice since that phone call) but still talking to him on the phone. I knew things werent right with the other person i was involved with because i still have feelings for my husband. Now i am single but my soon to be ex and i still talk. we know that we have feelings for each other still yet he tells me we cannot be together. All he really has to say is that we are not right for each other. He says i didnt do things the way he wanted (housework!) and that i was always negative and stressed out. He is a Navy SEAL so yeah i was always stressed out!

So i still love this guy, we were together a total of 4 years and i wonder if i will ever find anyone like him or if i'll ever be over him. I do get attracted to other guys though and there is a part of me that wants to move on.

So last night we are talking adn i am telling a funny story. When i'm finished he has no response really then says, my father is going to have to have chemo treatments starting this week. I was like, what? apparently his father has lung cancer and it's the worst kind you can have. The doctors were very honest with him and are giving him 4-12 months. I felt so awful, i started crying and he was just like it's ok. He is horrible at showing emotions, but he must be devastated. I feel guilty for some reason like this is my fault. i jsut feel so terrible! My soon to be ex also recently tore his ACL which has enabled him from being deployed. He is just having so much bad luck. he did somethign pretty horrible to me by calling me and asking for a divorce over the phone though so i wonder why do i care so much???

He is coming home next week-as luck would have it i'm on vacation next week...i dont know what to do. I feel like we are still so emotionally dependent on each other even though a divorce is in the process. It's heartbreaking, it really is. Most peopel break up and then that's it...why he and i are still talking i dont know...i just feel like he needs me and i need him. He has no clue about my other relationship with someone else...i am sure he has been with other women since our seperation over a year ago, but i dont want to know...