Same sex relationship with opposite sex desires

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I'm really not looking for advice because I know the right thing to do, but I still feel the need to vent. I'm a bisexual female in a committed relationship (we're engaged) and I've had intense sexual desires for the opposite sex lately. I consider myself bisexual, which for me (because I know it's not the same for ALL bisexuals) means I'll always be somewhat unsatisfied if i'm in a committed relationship. I've been in relationship with males and have wanted sex with females etc. The problem is this internal conflict of wanting/needing a commitment AND wanting/needing sexual fulfillment. The commitment is by far the MOST important, but why can't I just have a "normal" relationship and just be happy with what I have?

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I'm in a heterosexual marriage and sometimes have desires for the opposite sex as well (meaning someone other than my wife)... but I'm married so I do nothing about it. Just because you are bi does not give you the excuse to cheat on your partner. Once you make that commitment you should uphold it.

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Thanks Jpin
Believe me, I'm not using my bisexuality as an "excuse" to cheat. I'm simply venting and whining. Smile

I was on antidepressants for a while and had no problem with desiring the opposite sex simply because I had NO sexual desire at all. Now that I'm in a healthier state of mind, I'm also remembering what it's like to be a sexual woman. Unfortunately, that leaves me unsatisfied.

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Sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude (which I think I did after I re-read my post)... and Welcome to A2K.

Have you talked to your partner about these desires? Is she aware that you are bi?

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Yes and no. We've both talked about our dreams we've had, but it gets a little sticky when you start sharing sexual desires about men when you're in a relationship with a woman. They tend to feel VERY threatened and the relationship can start to crumble. I've been here before and know that this too is impermanent...it just sucks in the meantime cuz I feel like a teenage boy (gay boy anyway)! Embarrassed

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I really, really agree with JP's take. I think the bi part of it is a bit of a red herring. It's not realistic to expect one person to be the absolute be-all and end-all. It's not just about bi- or homo- or hetero-, it's about all kinds of physical types, no matter what your sexual orientation. Or even just different PEOPLE within a type.

That said, if you are having this many doubts, maybe you're just not ready to be in a committed relationship yet.

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Who said anything about doubts? I'm very happy in every other aspect of our relationship.... I'm just more or less upset with myself for entertaining such thoughts.

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You seem to be doubting that you can be sexually satisfied AND remain in this relationship...?

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sidgirl wrote:

Yes and no. We've both talked about our dreams we've had, but it gets a little sticky when you start sharing sexual desires about men when you're in a relationship with a woman. They tend to feel VERY threatened and the relationship can start to crumble. I've been here before and know that this too is impermanent...it just sucks in the meantime cuz I feel like a teenage boy (gay boy anyway)!

I wuld have to say that telling your partner about your feelings is the first place to start. This could be a seriously damaging secret if she finds out down the line. My opinion is the more honest you are now the less problems you will have later. Perhaps she will be hurt at first but if you two truely love each other then you can at least start talking openly about this and work together to come to a solution.

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I too am bi-sexual, and share a home with other bi-bisexuals. Our home is 5 men and 5 women and we are in a very unique relationship where we are all intimate with each other. We have many combinations of two somes, three somes or more. We sometimes all sleep in one bed.

We enjoy the love that we all share and are not jealous by what happens by each of us.

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Wild & Crazy wrote:

I too am bi-sexual, and share a home with other bi-bisexuals. Our home is 5 men and 5 women and we are in a very unique relationship where we are all intimate with each other. We have many combinations of two somes, three somes or more. We sometimes all sleep in one bed.

We enjoy the love that we all share and are not jealous by what happens by each of us.

Damn! Can I come over? Laughing

Us Bi-sexuals sure do know how to have fun!

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Willow,

It is not just the fun, it is the love that we share. We all love each other. We get along and all work together. We have a large home. After we all moved in we more than doubled the size of the original home. We now have 8 master-bedrooms. We have an 20 acre lot. To the east of us is a river, to the south and west is a State park. Our home is about 300 feet off the road on the north side, and about 300 feet on the other side of the road is our neighbor. Our neighbor visits from time to time. However we do not share intimacy outside of our group.

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Re: Same sex relationship with opposite sex desires

sidgirl wrote:

...why can't I just have a "normal" relationship and just be happy with what I have?

Because there is no such thing.

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who wants to be normal?

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Apparently Sidgirl does.

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Sidgirl may need a boy friend and a girl friend. The best of both worlds

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...or the worst of both worlds Wink

Same sex unions bring out often the worst character
trades they share, like females being overly emotional
at times, being temperamental and show irrational behavior.
Now put 2 of them together and you have your worst
case scenario.

Males are somewhat less emotional and more sexual
oriented. A union here might be solely driven by sexual
desire and leave an emotional connection less satisfying.

There are many exceptions of course, but overall I think
it's true.

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sid, have you been in a bi relationship before, or are these just really strong feeling you have?

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CalamityJane

Most of the gay or bi- guys that I know are not void of emotion. Maybe that is why they are attracted to men.

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Same sex relationship with opposite sex desires

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