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Sat 9 Oct, 2004 09:02 am
I've been going out with a girl from work for about 4 weeks and I really like her. Last week we arranged to go out to a few pubs and a club on Friday.
Friday Night:
She had a few mates with her (one was male) and we had a good time. She had been friends with this male friend for a while because they went to college together. I could tell during the night that they were a bit close. When we got to the club we found a table and sat down. She sat next to this male friend of hers and they seemed too been having a really good time together. I noticed at one point that his hand was on her leg and they had there arms around each other. Then out of the corner of my eye I'm quite sure I could see them kissing but I'm not certain. I think she looked at me to see if I noticed. I felt really angry and jealous. Later on, two mates I knew came and sat down next to me and they thought it was strange how this guy was carrying on with the woman I thought was my girlfriend. I couldn't take this anymore so I walked off. After a while my two mates found me and said that she's been looking for me. I had suspicions that she was going to leave me or something. Anyway, I walked over to her and she asked where I had been so I told her I went to the toilet. Next she put her arms around me and she started to kiss me. I could believe what was happening. My mouth just went numb and I struggled to kiss her back. I was like in a state of shock after what I though I saw earlier. I was quite drunk as well. I even told her I love her while we were kissing but I was so confused and angry.
Saturday Night:
I went to her place. On the way I explained to her that the reason I walked off was because I was jealous but I didn't tell her how much I saw. At her place we sat down on the sofa and watch TV. I really didn't want to be there I was so tense and angry. I wanted to talk to her about it but I couldn't. I hardly said a word to her. About half way though the evening she got up and sat down on a different sofa away from me. I guessed she sensed there was a bit of an atmosphere between us. Towards the end of the evening I decided to talk to her about everything. I asked her to sit next to me and she said "what's the point you'll be going home in a minute" then she sat down. I just thought to hell with the whole thing what am I even doing here? A few minutes later, she said she was going to bed so I left. On my way though her front door I looked back and she was looking at me. I think she wanted me to kiss her but I didn't.
Sunday:
I sent a text to her phone saying that we need to talk and to find out if we think we have a future together. She said that she was going to ask me the same thing. I wanted to end the relationship.
Monday at work:
When I saw her at work remembered what I saw in her and I wanted her back so badly because she is such a lovely person. I didn't want to tell her my views on Friday because I wanted us to make up and get back together not split up. I told her how I feel about her. She wanted to know why I wasn't speaking to her on Saturday and she said that we don't seem to communicate. She said that she wanted to end it and just be friends. I kept saying to her that I really think that we could make it work but she said I'm a very nice and sweet guy and she doesn't want to hurt me but it isn't going to work.
The whole situation has been killing me and I feel so hurt. The ironic thing is that I wanted to leave her because of Friday but she left me because of how I was acting on Saturday. How ironic is that. I can't describe how hurt I feel.
She does care about me because she asked my work college how I was and she emailed me asking how I got on after I had a curry with some friends from work.
I asked her if she wanted to have a friendly drink at the pub during lunchtime one day next week and have a chat and she agreed.
It's been a whole week now since the traumatic weekend and I'm going to arrange this drink with her and talk to her about all of it.
here's my view for what it's worth.....
4 weeks is not a long time, your views on her have built up over a period of time at work and you tend too have a mental image of someone before the relationship starts. Once the relationship begins you find this mental image is not the same as the real image! Good and bad!
If you like this girl, then I think it's worth fighting for her affection, but woo her, seduce her. She probably likes you, but you have to make her desire you. Would not be surprised if her behaviour last weekend was a bit of a way of testing you. She may well me scared of giving too much of herself to you too early, she many well be hedging her bets by taking affections from another guy.
I suugest doing what you are doing, having some time, just the two of you, no one else and without vast amounts of alcohol. Let her get to know you gradually and you her. If she is still the person you want, start talking, again without vast amounts of alcohol.
Hope it goes well, I wish you luck!
Thanks for your kind words leithy I'm really going to try my best.
Hm, I'd back off an just be friends for a while... I think leithy is right: that you fell for your image of who she is rather than really knowing her and who she is... This happened to me once: a guy fell for me over here(Hawaii.) A local guy. He thought I was talking a foreign language (I wasn't: just used to speaking english and using big words) so somehow he decided that I was
speaking german. His image of me was that I was some german fraulein he'd met while he'd been stationed in Germany! What a nut.
But that is an extreme example of how people develope an image of another, then let it run their imaginations and emotions. Step back and get to know the real person behond your image of her. She
may be the sweet nice person you imagine her to be, or she
may be someone completely different.
I agree with Princess Pupule. You sound like a nice fella, take your time, and if you really have strong feelings for this woman, please, by all means communicate. This is the only way to get to the truth. Drunk or not, if I had seen my girlfriend with another male, being as close and intimate as you describe with another man, then I would say your feelings of anger are more than justified.
Everyone has been burned from time to time, and sometimes, even as much as we can care for a person, we do have to step back, breathe a little bit, and follow our gut instincts. They rarely steer you wrong. The beginning of a relationship is a beautiful thing, and in our desire to see only the best in our mate, other warning signs and signals can be totally thrown to the wayside. I know, I have done it myself.
Good luck to you.
Kissing this other guy and then kissing you? She sounds like a player to me, right off the bat.
I feel for you. I's hard. Especially when you have to see this person every day at work. I've always avoided office romances for this very reason but, it's too late for that advice. Tuck it away for the future, tho.
It's best to leave that thing alone. Can you truly be 'just friends' or will you always secretly want her? And because she knows that you are weak for her, will she take advantage of that? Use you when no one else is available?
I'd back off from her altogether. Be civil but no lunch dates, no hanging out outside of the office or even in the office for that matter. It'll be tough because you already dig her but, this is why office romances are rarely a good idea.
Never poop where you eat.
Good luck.
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