can i save my marriage?

Edit: Moderator: Moved from General to Relationships

Hi everyone: I am a new member here. I don't know if i can save my marriage, i feel helpless in some ways, so i found you guys.

i have been married for nine years with one 4 year old boy. We had a miscarriage in jan. of 2002 and to her i was not supportive enough. she thought i did not take it hard enough. this is where the problems started for her. i think she saw me as a somewhat different person then.

just to fill in some blanks, it wasn't only that part of me that she thought was't right. when it came to complimenting her, paying attention to her, listening to her, making us feel close; she felt that i was lacking and maybe i was at times. this was marriage year #6-7 and she had me up on a pedestal. she always said that she would never leave me that i would leave her if anything bad happened between us. i think i got too comfortable with that. like i could do no wrong.

after the miscarrige we drifted apart. both kind of mad at the other. i never blamed her for the miscarriage, but i think i held it against her that she was mad at me for not taking it hard enough.(i know that sounds ridiculous on my part.) She started e-mailing a guy she calls her first love,even though they had never had sex. this happened after she had told me a couple months earlier that she thinks our marriage is over. that she hasn"t felt loved from me. Anyway that summer they met and slept together that night. she told me the next day, i think partly because she wanted me to throw her out and we would be done. finished. we seperated that fall. she broke off contact with him to give us a chance. we seperated for only 5 months. we missed each other but part of the reason for getting back together in the same house was financial.

after getting together everything has been up to her as far as moving on. our roles have switched. i am the more touchy feely one the one giving more attention. i love this woman more than anything in this world(our son too of course). i feel as if i know what true love is now, like i love her more than the day we got married. My heart has been breaking for some time now because nothing goes to the bedroom. she can't make love to me because she loves me like a brother she says. that is not a good feeling for me. after a couple months of being back together, she could not find a spark so she started communicating with this guy again. i found out through her cell phone. they had been together 3 times. sex 3 times with someone else. the only good thing i found in that is that she was'nt doing me too. i must be crazy finding something good out of that. so i approach her about this and have our fight and discussing. many times i have told her to get the divorce papers and end it. i think she is so worried about what everybody is going to think about her. i just can't let her go. am i wrong? she has agreed to counseling again. we did a couple sessions last year, but did not get anywhere. we saw a different one yesterday and he seems better, but he will not have any magical answers. we see him again next week. she is having a hard time loving me again like a husband and not like a brother. is this just some sort of excuse for her? we both know we have to seperateagain. i think that writes the end for me. do i need to somehow just let her go?

sorry this is soo long.

signed; Lost in mn