I'm sad to hear about your difficulties. It's probably time to sit down with a counsellor and discuss both of your wants and needs in life, where you're going together, and where you want to go together, what you need to feel attracted to each other, and what you need to trust each other (etc).
My husband has taken the initiative to tell me all the details, he seems truly regretful , but there are times i feel he wants to just not talk about it anymore.
Most people, once they've admitted a wrong, don't want it brought up over and over again. Did you enjoy him raising your previous infidelity again?
That said, it's also quite understandable that the person who feels the hurt may take quite some time to heal, and part of that process is overcoming distrust, and venting. This is quite normal, even if it's difficult for the other party (noting that some
times the other party finds it too difficult)
i was furious and so hurt that he would wait until two years later to tell me all of this-let alone let me be around her too.
You mean introduce you to each other, and encourage you to be around her? Yes, that's just nuts. It goes beyond
In a way its almost like to that since I did something 8 years ago and he forgave me- thats what he expects too. and just start over.
. Is it wrong for me to think that the pain is worse because we are at a different time in our lives (6 years after remarrying, asking for gods forgiveness, having children together)
You've phrased the two events differently, perhaps to avoid the real question?
He forgave me. Is it wrong of me not to forgive him, because I think the pain is so much worse, being older and having had kids together?
I would ask...you had 8 years together before you cheated on him, having been childhood sweethearts, to expecting to grow old together... to have those illusions shattered after 8 years...How much do you think that hurt him? And is it really a competition to see who is hurt the most? You see the problem with phrasing a question from a competitive point of view?
How about: He forgave me. Is it wrong that I haven't forgiven him?
The answer by the way is 'no'. Every person is different. Every person has different emotional needs....but be honest about them, and about the past. It helps in the long run.