Constipation

Like any good blues song,
we must start with:
Woke up this morning,
completely backed up.

I pondered the old saying,
"You don't need to be a brain
to be a boss, just an a--hole."

Now I understood.

My eyes went blurry,
I couldn't focus,
it was like being drunk
without the fun.
All I was concerned about
were my congested buns.

Wait...is that a can of chickpeas?
Oh please, help me!

Stumbling in discomfort
I dressed them up and dined,
and oh what pleasure it was
to finally take a dump,
and get over
the horrible hump of agony!

Face it, when that turd
passes through your loins,
in all it's heavy glory,
the release, and the pleasing sound of 'plop'
is almost as good as sex,
so when you need to go,
don't stop.