Go while it's still new, or am I out of my mind?

Run for your life! You already know what to do, and the sooner the better. Old, foolish doctrine provides the only excuse to stay in a loveless marriage. Life is too precious for that. Be as nice as possible, but get out now!

I wish there wasn't another guy complicating the picture.

I'll say quickly, DEFINITELY don't get pregnant any time soon.

But for the rest of it, I can too easily see how the electricity of ooh new love casts everything else in a negative light -- more negative than it really is. I can see that you might be casting the question in such a way that the only reasonable response is run -- which is the answer you want.

How long were you together before you got married?

Longjourney--

Question: Why did you get married?

Separate Question: Why did you pick your husband to marry? Why did you ignore his faults in the rush to the altar?

I know "Love" is "acceptable" answer, but look at your motives and be honest with yourself. Did you get married because you want children and your biological clock was ticking? Was every one else in your group of friends married or engaged to be married? Did you want a husband for practical reasons--carrying out the garbage, maintaining the car, keeping up with small household repairs? Did you expect to be loved and protected?

Can you honestly say that your present marriage is not the result of momentary impulse? Can you guarantee that the heart flutterings you're feeling for this new guy aren't simply another momentary impulse?

My question to you: How do you know for sure this guy not gonna turn out like your husband? At first you say your husband is all good and stuff, then when you guys marry, you find out he is not comparable with you, but how come now you so sure about this new man in your job?
honestly, i don't support the leaving husband for some new man

Nor do I. I support the leaving your husband for your husband's sake, as well as your own.

Re: Go while it's still new, or am I out of my mind?


You have lost your attraction to your husband. Maybe the two of you made a "good couple" at one time -- but not anymore. He's wallowing in unemployment and he's sucking the life out of you. You're not building a present or a future together, you're doing everything on your own. You're moving forward and he's not.

You're getting an education plus you're the sole source of support and your husband sits at home like a bump on a log. He has become uninteresting and unattractive. He's not a loving partner anymore; he's someone who clings to you. He throws fit when you're not at home, but you're living your life which includes school and work. He's not living his life.

If things were good at home, you probably wouldn't even give your co-worker a second look. But things are not good at home and your wandering eye is just a symptom of the problem -- it's not the problem.

What do you want to do about your marriage? In your shoes, I would probably have a conversation with my husband:

"We're on a downward spiral and I'm starting to lose that lovin' feeling because you've been sitting home for four months wallowing in your unemployment. You have one week to either get a job (any job, it shouldn't matter) or you can leave. It's your choice, but I'm not going to continue in this marriage the way things are now."

Don't enable your man to be a bump on the log any more. It's sucking the life out of you.

You have only been married a short time. The first 2 years are probably the most difficult years of a marriage. I really don't think it is time to bailout. First you need to deal with the issue at hand the problem with your husband, before bring in another element. You NEED to leave the coworker along. You haven't worked at your marriage. Anything worth having is worth work for. Of course your husband depress, he isn't working and when you're depress cleaning the house is not part of the agenda for the day. His wife don't respect and he's probably feeling rejected, insecure, undesireable, ego crushed... He's depressed! The energy you given this coworker needs to be reverted by to your husband loving, encouraging and motivating him to get up and do something. You know he loves you than show him you love him and encourage him to do something. This should be done with love, kindness and respect.

I don't know what type of husband you have if this is his pattern of behavior and you were blind to it prior to marriage. If he has just fallen into bad luck. And if he has fallen this is the "worst" of the "for better & for worst" vows taken. "Depression" (sickeness and health). Now if this is a pattern behavior you may be in for a long ride. But you must make an effort to work at your marriage. NO RELATIONSHIP will EVER be perfect ALL OF THEM have to be worked at. You married this guy for reason????

Please during this time remove all other elements, your coworker(s), girlfriends, negative email responses, and in-laws. No babies NOW!

Counseling will help you both. And if he's not willing at this time you go.

Thank you for all the advice. There were a few question I wish to shed light on. Im 23, and I'm actually one of the first of my friends to marry. I've known my husband since we were 11 years old, and we dated for 2 1/2 years before we got married. I don't know if that will change any opinions...

Not mine.

The boyfriend becomes the husband... think about it.

Ok, maybe I don't have all the info, but have you tried talking to him about it? Communication is a huge part of any successful marriage. So sit him down and have a real talk. Not a scolding, but a talk, where you tell him how his behaviour is affecting you. Listen to his responses. Does he open up and talk or just yeah yeahing to what you say to him.

I just get the impression you are looking for a reason to get out. So what happens when things get a bit rough with your next husband? Do you bail again just because that is the easy thing to do?

I am not applauding his behaviour, but as long as he is not being abusive toward you, I would think that a bit more effort can be applied toward making things work.

As far as your coworker goes, I would say only one thing.......run. You will never put an effort into making your marriage work while toying with thoughts of being with someone else.

Ok, first, the feeling of being in love is a biological reaction to get people to have kids together. It is for pair bonding. It's that "nothing is going to stop me, I can't lose and nothing will tear me away from this person" feeling that gets us to bed. Once that fades, then real life sets in. And real love is not easy. It isn't always pretty and it isn't all warm and fuzzy. It is messy and sometimes it leaves is socks on the floor. It doesn't always make us smile or laugh and it isn't always fun to be with. Welcome to an adult relationship.
The fact that you've allowed yourself to fall into infatuation with someone else is deplorable to me. You are a married woman and when you say that you've got someone on the side this tells me that you are in love only with being in love.

My advise. Stay home and work on your marriage. This is just as much your fault as it is his. He needs to get back from his "poor me" trip and you need to keep your hands where they belong.