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Tue 1 Nov, 2016 10:32 am
We're talking for a while now. She was madly in love with me but i wasn't really that into her since i didn't know her as a person. She got into a relationship because she was unclear of my emotion. They broke up after some time, and we ended up together the day after (only made out). Told me after that that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone any time soon since she has been heartbroken multiple times (she is a girl who was with a LOT of boyfriends in the past). After that we continued to talk and we have been talking for 4 months now.
She is rejecting everyone, and even showing me pictures of rejecting other guys. She talks about us being together, we are only friends but we act like we are in a relationship already, everyone thinks we are too, even teachers at our college. The thing is, she doesn't want to make out with me with the excuse of not wanting one night stands anymore, and declines every date invite from me. She is rejecting everyone really but not accepting any of my invites or rejecting me when i go in for the kiss is worrying me.
Sometimes she says things that make me wonder if she really likes me and sometimes she contradicts herself too, and changes her mind, and even sometimes does things that make me wonder if she is lying about not wanting to bond with me. Since she was in a relationship her feelings for me have gotten down and she is not in love with me anymore, only likes me and she told me she is trying to get those feelings back now that college has started again and we see eachother. Last friday she rejected me when i went in for the kiss and told me: it's not that i do not want to, it's just, i don't know... and after that told me that it was about her and she wasn't in the mood and if she was drunk a lot more than making out would of happened. After that i told her i am not in love with her anymore and only like her now, and it will stay that way until we go in a different route than friendship. She tells me how my waiting will pay off.
However, what i am fascinated by and a bit annoyed tbh is that lately (like in the last 4 weeks) she wants to talk all day. Literally all day. She wants to Skype all the time, and when i can't she gets all clingy and starts begging me not to go somewhere (out with friends or study or anything) and to stay on Skype with her etc. She doesn't even use her laptop when i can't Skype. Like literally she doesn't know what to do with her life without me. I would go and watch a football game and get tons of texts from her begging me to stop watching and come talk to her. (this happened on Saturday when i was on a birthday party, she started to text me to come home.) I am not always available, and when i am i sometimes don't go on purpose so that it looks like i am not always available. When we are not skyping we are texting and she initiates 100% of contact.
She told me she is depressed without me and feels bored and alone when i am not there, and told me that there is no one that knows her better than i do. I can see that all of that is really true, even though tons of guys hit her up everyday and she has friends that she can talk to. What is worrying me is her saying all that and really showing me that she likes me but still keeps declining me every time claiming she doesn't want a relationship yet, go out or even want to make out. Again, she rejects EVERY guy that hits her up, some of them really handsome and cool.
So why, after all of this: Not knowing what to do without me, always needing my presence, looking at me, looking at my lips while i am talking, why is she still not willing to go into a relationship with me using the excuse of not wanting to bond with anyone? What should i do differently? Appreciate the help
However, she wants to talk all day. Literally all day. She wants to Skype all the time, and when i can't she gets all clingy and starts begging me not to go somewhere (out with friends or study or anything) and to stay on Skype with her etc. She doesn't even use her laptop when i can't Skype. I would go and watch a football game and get tons of texts from her begging me to stop watching and come talk to her. (this happened on Saturday when i was on a birthday party) I am not always available, and when i am i sometimes don't go on purpose so that it looks like i am not always available.
When we are not skyping we are texting and she initiates 100% of contact. She told me she is depressed without me and feels bored and alone when i am not there, and told me that there is no one that knows her better than i do. I can see that all of that is really true, even though tons of guys hit her up everyday and she has friends that she can talk to.
What is worrying me is her saying all that and really showing me that she likes me but still keeps declining me every time claiming she doesn't want a relationship yet, go out or even want to make out. So why, after all of this she still doesn't want a relationship with me?
Because she wants a pal and not a relationship.
You do realize men and women can be friends, right?
So she is currently taking it easy and not dating anyone. But she's also kind of putting all of her friendship 'eggs' into one basket. If you don't like being her sympathetic ear and her shoulder to cry on, tell her.
@jespah,
I do like to talk to her and being her friend since i care about her, i do not want anyone to think that i am some kind of sociopath lol.
She has tons of other friends but still only does this to me. I do realize that we are only friends now and i am not forcing her into anything really.
I know that i am not in a "friendzone" because the way she acts around me in real life is completely different then how she acts towards anyone else. I can't even sit beside her because she can't concentrate in college because she is always touching me and looking at me etc. We act like we will **** at any moment, and everyone comments on that.
@warus,
'We act like we will **** at any moment, and everyone comments on that."
But - I thought you said she won't even "kiss" you!! What's up with her?
Well, for one thing, she is USING you as a boredom killer. Her insatiable need to talk to you ALL the time is weird. She sounds like she's afraid to be alone, so she is using you to fill in the gaps.
She puts on an act in public, but when you are alone, she shuts down.
She wants attention. You give it to her. She is still bored and restless.
Tell her to get a puppy. You are a man and want a complete, honest and real relationship.
Is that something you would be able to do?
@warus,
Sounds like a woman to me.
But seriously, you sound a bit ambiguous too. You said you 'were not into her' then imply she got into another relationship because she didn't understand your 'emotions'.
BTW, how does one take a picture of yourself breaking up with someone? That's pretty creepy.
@warus,
I think she has issues.
I think she can't stand to be alone.
Gets depressed often.
I think that she is tired of having to many "boys" in her life that come and go and don't stay.
One reason is she knows if she goes out and she drinks, she'll end up doing something she will regret the next morning.
I think one of the things she is trying to do is to gain a "boyfriend" and keep him and by not kissing, not drinking, not going out, showing you photos of those she's declined, is her attempts to get to this point in her life and change.
The thing you have to look at though is she can't be alone, she gets depressed and she won't allow you to go to all those football games etc, out with friends, without bugging you, pushing your buttons, crying, please come home.
She needs to find herself and feel confident in herself but at the moment she's just a lost little girl that is trying to change her life.
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