I disagree with you completely.
1) The only thing you control is how you respond to the world around you. You don't control how other people act. If other peoples casual mannerisms bother you, you are going to be bothered an awful lot.
That isn't on them, it is on you. What's the point of spending your time being bothered?
If you have friends, you can respectfully tell them that something they do bothers you. I think you should take responsibility to you are bothered rather than blaming your friends for something that might not bother other people.
For strangers, store clerks, casual acquaintances, etc. It doesn't make any sense for you to say anything. They will just see you as crazy. You need to accept people the way they are.
2) It doesn't bother me that people call me "Honey". It is a quirk... just some people's way of being social. They have no way to know that it bothers you. Some of us see it as endearing.
3) I haven't received any business emails addressed as "hey!". I don't think this would bother me (depending on who sent it). My direct co-workers are pretty informal with each other. If someone looking for a job addressed an email this way, I would think it was strange.
4) I personally don't care one bit about shallow courtesies or manners. I see a big difference between real kindness... where someone is thoughtful, respectful or honest... and empty courtesies.
If someone wrote an email that said "Hey! I heard you needed a kidney and that I might be a match..." would you focus on the breach of manners... or would this act of kindness be more important?