10
   

basic manners in communication- gone forever?

 
 
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 02:08 pm
(will try to condense due to length limit)

1. My experiences started around 2 1/2 yrs ago, thought it was local but learned people all over US have been complaining about it since 2010: individuals whom you do not know, such as cashiers etc. in stores, addressing customers as 'Honey,' 'Sweetie,' 'Sweetheart,' 'My Dear,' etc. This fad doesn't seem to be dying out- does anyone else find it objectionable? if so, how do you respond to it? It's disrespectful in general, but I'm really peeved when addressed that way by individuals younger than my own kids.

2. Referring to business-type communications, the latest seems to be addressing individuals as "HEY!" This is the way I'm often addressed in business mail (emails), and I've also seen it on forums. Recently I even received a text from some unknown person asking me to participate in campaigns for a presidential candidate- addressed to me as "HEY!" Anyone else have this experience and are irked by it?

3. 'First-name basis' is not a 'generational thing,' it's a regional thing. Awhile back I was on two different forums, and was not surprised to find whether people address older individuals, individuals they don't know well, etc., as Mr./Mrs. or FirstName depends on where they were from. This isn't exactly a question, but feel free to input.

I believe manners matter, and courtesy costs nothing. It's a sign that you respect yourself and the individual you are interacting with. I joined this forum to ask what other people think of this subject.
 
contrex
 
  4  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 02:53 pm
@Sunkist123,
Sunkist123 wrote:
individuals whom you do not know, such as cashiers etc. in stores, addressing customers as 'Honey,' 'Sweetie,' 'Sweetheart,' 'My Dear,' etc.

I am not American, but I am in late middle age and people here in England in shops, bus drivers, etc, have been doing that since i was a kid (so say 50 years) and they used to do it way before that.

Sunkist123 wrote:
how do you respond to it? It's disrespectful in general,

I don't mind it, in fact I quite like it. They are just being friendly and pleasant. I don't see it as 'disrespectful' at all.

Sunkist123 wrote:
but I'm really peeved when addressed that way by individuals younger than my own kids.

Maybe you should clean your eyeglasses and look at the calendar? You would see it is 2016 not 1916 or 1816.

Sunkist123 wrote:
2. Referring to business-type communications, the latest seems to be addressing individuals as "HEY!" This is the way I'm often addressed in business mail (emails), and I've also seen it on forums. Recently I even received a text from some unknown person asking me to participate in campaigns for a presidential candidate- addressed to me as "HEY!" Anyone else have this experience and are irked by it?

Now this kind of thing does annoy me, but then there is much to dislike in all advertising and publicity.

Sunkist123 wrote:
3. 'First-name basis' is not a 'generational thing,' it's a regional thing.

Not sure what you mean here. When I was starting work in the late 1960s, people senior to me were addressed or referred to as Mr, Mrs or Miss Surname, but with people of my grade, whatever age it was first names. Now it's first names right up to the big boss, and I am glad because I don't like ritual deference.

Sunkist123 wrote:
I believe manners matter, and courtesy costs nothing. It's a sign that you respect yourself and the individual you are interacting with.

I absolutely agree with this, but I disagree 100% about what good manners are. People can be polite, considerate and thoughtful without kow towing, bowing and scraping etc.
maxdancona
 
  4  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 02:55 pm
@Sunkist123,
I disagree with you completely.

1) The only thing you control is how you respond to the world around you. You don't control how other people act. If other peoples casual mannerisms bother you, you are going to be bothered an awful lot. That isn't on them, it is on you. What's the point of spending your time being bothered?

If you have friends, you can respectfully tell them that something they do bothers you. I think you should take responsibility to you are bothered rather than blaming your friends for something that might not bother other people.

For strangers, store clerks, casual acquaintances, etc. It doesn't make any sense for you to say anything. They will just see you as crazy. You need to accept people the way they are.

2) It doesn't bother me that people call me "Honey". It is a quirk... just some people's way of being social. They have no way to know that it bothers you. Some of us see it as endearing.

3) I haven't received any business emails addressed as "hey!". I don't think this would bother me (depending on who sent it). My direct co-workers are pretty informal with each other. If someone looking for a job addressed an email this way, I would think it was strange.

4) I personally don't care one bit about shallow courtesies or manners. I see a big difference between real kindness... where someone is thoughtful, respectful or honest... and empty courtesies.

If someone wrote an email that said "Hey! I heard you needed a kidney and that I might be a match..." would you focus on the breach of manners... or would this act of kindness be more important?

ossobucotemp
 
  3  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 02:59 pm
Thank you both for answering, as, hey, I didn't have the patience.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 03:06 pm
@maxdancona,
There was an attractive employee in the coffee shop next door to my work. She was Brazilian and would say "Hello Sweetie" with the coolest accent every time I came in to buy my morning coffee. This didn't bother me one bit.

One day there was another customer and she said "Hello Sweetie" to him. On that day I realized that she said "Hello Sweetie" to all of her customers. That bothered me.


0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 03:11 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:
If someone wrote an email that said "Hey!

I worked in a legal office, part of the court system, and we took on a young temp girl and after a bit a senior judge complained that she was starting emails to him "Hi Judge!" - I asked around a few judges and most of them said they liked her and found her refreshing. We advised her to be more formal with this one judge.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 03:15 pm
@contrex,
This one was a jewel:
Quote:
Sunkist123 wrote:
but I'm really peeved when addressed that way by individuals younger than my own kids.

Maybe you should clean your eyeglasses and look at the calendar? You would see it is 2016 not 1916 or 1816.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 05:10 pm
Hey sweetie!

It's all about the style and flair in which you carry it off.
roger
 
  2  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 07:23 pm
A simple 'sir' will suffice.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 07:26 pm
@roger,
I use "sir" even when they are younger. It's better than "hey, you!"
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  -1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 07:30 pm
@chai2,


It doesn't get any better than River Song.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 07:44 pm
I welcome being called m'am, as is the custom in this part of the country.

I've been called Ms. Tea when being called next at a doctor or something, but for some reason Mrs Tea sounds stuffy and stiff.
roger
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 08:04 pm
@chai2,
Yabutt, if there were a bunch of anonymous Ma'ms sitting around, they had to make a distinction. Sometimes Dearie just doesn't work.
chai2
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 10:33 pm
@roger,
I go for Ms. Tea, not Mrs. Tea.
roger
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 10:43 pm
@chai2,
Yeah, I remember when you went from Chai Tea to plain Chai. Wally Tea must have been mortified.
chai2
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 10:58 pm
@roger,
Wally now calls himself Darjeeling.
roger
 
  1  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 11:01 pm
@chai2,
Glad to hear he is doing so well.
0 Replies
 
nacredambition
 
  0  
Mon 31 Oct, 2016 11:17 pm




Real Music
 
  2  
Tue 1 Nov, 2016 12:37 am
@Sunkist123,
Just treat me like a human being with simple kindness. A genuine warm smile goes a long way of making a person feel welcome. A person who has a charming and friendly personality is refreshing and a joy to be around.
0 Replies
 
perennialloner
 
  3  
Tue 1 Nov, 2016 04:42 am
@Sunkist123,
Cashiers are told to be extremely friendly. A cashier that uses the etiquette that you've been taught is proper isn't necessarily a well-mannered or friendly person. When I first started cashiering as a teenager, I used to always greet the customers with sir or ma'am, but my supervisor later told me that wasn't enough and that I needed to make an effort to connect with the customers. Some cashiers find that saying honey, gorgeous, dear, whatever, helps establish the appropriate mood for building good and hopefully lasting relationships with their customers. A customer isn't going to remember the cashier that called him or her sir or ma'am. They're going to remember the cashier that conversed, complimented, and joked with them.

Now that I've been cashiering for a while, I don't always say sir or ma'am because I've realized that it's not always the best greeting for getting a customer engaged in conversation. If I'm ringing up a teenager, I address them as my friend because I don't want to distance our connection by formalizing our interaction when we're the same age.

Basically, a good cashier tries to connect with customers the best way s/he knows how in order to keep them coming back.

You shouldn't get irritated with people trying to be good to you.
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » basic manners in communication- gone forever?
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 03/08/2021 at 12:46:12