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Sat 2 Oct, 2004 10:56 am
I am a 30 year old woman who is interested in a 46 year old man. He makes me laugh, he is intelligent and sex with him is amazing, probably the best I've ever had. We each have 3 children from our previous relationships and I don't plan on having anymore. Here is the problem, I think he and I could be in a wonderful long term relationship with each other but he seems to think that in 20-30 years from now I will tire of him and break his heart because he is so much older. I think he is the sexiest man alive. He has a better body than most 20 yr old men and he doesn't look his age at all. I have never even thought of his age when were together. I want us to be together but he is worried about the age gap. His 20 year old daughter even told him it was okay but he wants more proof. Please somebody help me make him see the light.
This is not much of an age difference when you get right down to it. Are you happy together? Do you share the same values? Have the same interests?
This isn't like he's 32 and you're 16. This is absolutely the kind of relationship that can work. In this case, age is truly just a number. Methinks your gentleman friend is being overly cautious and perhaps a bit scared of commitment. Is the age difference, perhaps, a convenient excuse for not committing?
I agree with Jespah, it all sounds just fine to me.
Hello, emjuan. Welcome!
Do you need to get a commitment of him at this point? Why not just enjoy things as they are? The relationship may naturally turn into something longer term if there are fewer questions about its nature.
I don't see a problem with the age difference myself. You're both adults. I do see where he may either be uneasy about 1) the age difference, or 2) the commitment issue. Let it ride for a while? He may grow into this with you.
age gap relationship
I am totally fine with taking things slow. He is the one looking so far into the future. He said that eventually I will break his heart and he doesn't want to go through that pain. I even asked him if he was making excuses not to be with me but he claims no. I don't see what the big deal is at all but he wants to be assured that everything will be fine. Thats impossible because nothing in life is perfect. I know we could be happy together why cant he see that? He is frustrating me. As serious as this whole matter seems, we laugh about it all the time. He even suggests that we play 5 rounds of Texas Hold'em to decide who wins this argument.
This is actually an argument you can't lose. Who goes into a relationship worrying about heartbreak in 20 years?
It's a fear of commitment and at the very least a little bit of male insecurity.
I agree with the others in saying that there isn't that much of a difference considering your ages and it sounds to me as as a relationship that could really work. If we spend our time being afraid of getting hurt, then we end up alone.
Best of luck to you both.
emjuan,
The age gap you describe, for your ages, isn't bad at all. It's not like the 42 year-old woman with the 17 year-old child thread previously addressed.
There are many worries over age-gap posts. You, at 30, are as grown up as you are likely to become. A 46 year-old man is emotionally closer to YOUR age than his own chronological age.
In this case, if you fit together well, enjoy life. That's what it's meant for.
I hope you can convince him, if not, he may not be willing to commit for reasons other than the age gap.
Sounds fine. Some women do say that you need a man at least 10-15 yrs older than you if you want to be happy in a marriage. Because older man tend to understand woman more....
That age difference is nothing! Let time be your friend see where it goes. It seems to have wonderful possibilities! Age really IS just mind over matter...if ya'll don't mind, then it doesn't matter.
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