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Tue 28 Sep, 2004 07:27 pm
My boyfriend Brian and I have been dating for about 2 years. A few days ago he confronted me about "needing more space" and taking some time off to figure things out. I've been in enough relationships to know what this "space" inevitably ends up as....
I love Brian more than anything on this earth, and we are both having a hardtime this year adjusting to things-could this be a phase? He mentioned taking out another girl from our hometown who still lives at home. Her name is Sarah, and she is beautiful and talented. I know her from a musical we did last summer. She was the star, and my boyfriend directed the pit orchestra. I asked him about it last summer, but he said nothing was going on and that they were just friends. Last weekend, after the "talk" we had, i spent the entire time in my room alone wondering what he was doing with her. He called that night around 1 am and just said that he had watched a movie at her house. I am worried that he is using her as a "rebound" or a cushion for our own problems, and he assures me that they are just friends. I feel like Brian and I need to work things out on our own, and that her involvement will only distract and hurt him. She is an aquantence of mine, not a good friend, but i know her and feel like i want to talk to her to figure out what is going on. At the same time, i want him to have his space and figure out what he wants. What should I do? He is so wonderful, and we had a fabulous 2 years.... i feel so connected to him and perfect when i'm with him. I
think our struggles are the result of lost communication and my inability to
listen to him when he needed me most. Last night we had a wonderful talk for about 3 hours, it ended on a good note, with both of us deciding we wanted to start clean again. The only problem was that we never decided what it entailed-whether i am still his girlfriend or just his friend. I would love to be his girlfriend again and pick up where we left off but I
am still confused. What should I do? Thanks so
much!
Brittany
Going just on what you told us here, I'd vote "none of the above" ...
Are you emotionally up to just, perhaps, waiting for a little while? Give him his space, dont disappear from the picture either, just wait and see what he and you will feel like in, say, a month's time? By that time it should also be clear what (if anything) is going on with him and that girl ...
If you push now to be together again, when it doesn't sound like he's quite clear in his mind that that's what he wants, you run the risk either of him saying no or saying yes and then later again not feeling sure about it, which'll hurt you more still. If need be, run away, but if you can, why not stick around for a while, see how things unfold?
pom--
This guy seems much more interested in his feelings than in your feelings. His "I need space" declaration combined with long talks with other women indicate to me that he's trying to ditch you gracefully.
If I were you, I'd give him a great deal of space. Perhaps he'll notice that you're gone and that he misses you, perhaps not. The alternative is to cling on when he'd rather be free.
Your choice.
back again
Hi everyone, its me again!
Just wanted to say that bri and i talked things through (and believe me, it took a looooong time). We realize that we were becoming two dependent on each other and while we want our individual independence, we would like to make things better again. So far so good, we've been taking things slowly, hanging out once in a while just to have fun. I think we are both happier too. He will always be my best friend, and i think he knows I will be his. I have joined a sorority and am eager to get to know my sisters! Bri is busy with all of his stuff, and we are still together. Thanks for your comments, the "staying away" idea really helped us both, even if it was only for a week. At least we had time to think!
Brit
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