Make the poem lines terser

Okay, I've improved it as below:

Worry not - ahead of the road
There be - your bosom friend
For your prestige
Sparkles the world


======================
Any comment appreciated.

Worry not about the dark road ahead, my friend,
the you that is you lights the way.

or

The road ahead may be filled with darkness.
my friend, but your honor will light the way.

Joe

Hi Joe,

Thanks for replying.

But what is "the you"?

===========================================

What I need:

(1) Please must put "bosom friend" in one of your lines.
(2) You should reflect that "you" are well-known in the world.

The poem is based on a famous ancient Chinese line:

Don't worry about that you will not have your bosom friend ahead of your road, for you have been well-known to the world.

( "You" were a famous musician in Tang Dynasty of ancient China.)

It's not clear to me who is who.

"Don't worry about that you will not have your bosom friend...."

Does that mean that the bosom friend is dead?

As in "Even though your bosom friend will not be with you, fear not, for the road is already lit by your fame."

It's difficult for me to understand the relationship between 1) having a good friend and 2) being supported by one's own fame. They don't seem related.

Hi Joe, I rewrite it as below:

Fear not - ahead of the road,
No bosom friend.
For your graceful fame,
Sparkles the world.


============================
Does that mean that the bosom friend is dead?
==>>> That means you cannot meet a bosom friend in future.

This is still not clear to me. Let's talk about it as if it were you and me.
Are you saying that in the future I will not MAKE new great friendships?
Or are you saying we are great friends now but in the future you will not be there. That's two completely different things.




I like this, it's very poetic.
but the first two lines are choppy

How's this?


Fear not the future road
without me, your bosom friend,
for your graceful fame,
sparkling the world,
will light your way.

Joe

Hi Joe,

It is very interesting that a sentence which I think is very simple can have so many different meanings. Okay, what I wanted to express is:

Supposed some day in future we will be destined as bosom friends, but now we are strangers each other, because I've never recognized you, and so have you.

Be aware, I said "destined", not that I could foresee this. Only God knows the fact. For me, there will be a long way to go. I'm worrying greatly if I can have a bosom friend in future. So one of my colleagues encourages me in farewell dinner:

Fear not - ahead of the road,
No bosom friend.
For your graceful fame,
Sparkles the world.

==>> Please don't fear that you will not have a bosom friend in your future road -- You will must have a bosom friend since your fame has been well-known in the world

Regarding:

Fear not the future road
without me, your bosom friend,
for your graceful fame,
sparkling the world,
will light your way.

I expecially appreciated "light your way"!
The "without me, your bosom friend" is different to what i wanted to express, however.

So....

Fear not the future road,
my bosom friend,
for your graceful fame,
sparkling the world,
will light your way.


Better? Right?


I like this back and forth writing!

Joe

You've written a good poem, Joe.

However, it is different to what the original Chinese poem meant.

When you said "my bosom friend" , it meant the poem is presented to your friend, and the friend is your bosom friend. But I've explained "I" was just a colleague of "you", not his friend, let alone a bosom friend. The colleague encouraged "you" not to fear that in the future, you will not have any bosom friend. You will have one because your fame has made you well-known.

oh....

I will look at this again in the morning. Tonight in America it's all about the coming election..
'

Peace, my bosom friend,'

Joe

Your original may still be the best with one correction:
\

Ahead, the road shall be full of your friends
For your prestige is a tug at the heartstrings of this world!




Two re-writes
One friend or many?




Many

Your heart fears
the road ahead
will be empty
but, no,
your graceful fame,
sparkling the world,
draws many bosom friends
to line your way.



===
One

Your heart fears
the road ahead
will be empty
but, no,
your graceful fame,
sparkling the world,
will draw forth
your bosom friend.

Excellent, Joe!

I wonder if you can contribute one of the poems to a magzine to get it published. The signature would be: By Joe Nation Oristar

I am so pleased you like my interpretation. Thank you for your guidance.


Joe