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Wed 22 Sep, 2004 02:12 pm
hi everybody,
i have a big problem and i am pretty sure that all women in the whole world have similar problem.
i am pretty young women of 22 years old.. and just got married 6 months ago. my husband is a very loving and caring guy the same age. he tries to be perfect for. and in my opinion he is. he treats me like a lady, like a princess. i feel very secure around him and be loved.
but...here come a big but....he has temptation to pornography. i just found it 2 months ago, when he was looking up some webside on internet while i was asleep. after a big fight i forgave him and he said he'll never do it again. then one day he did it again, this time i was sitting next to him in the same room. i still cannot belive it, that he did it in front of me.
i have a problem with that. i really do not want my husband looking at that nasty stuff online. i want to be the only one for him.
well, after long discussions he told me that he does that even at work, when nobody is around him, he uses this time to satify himself even when he has job to do.
i believe most of the men are like that, and they struggle with the sometime for the rest of their lives. men are very visual people and not so emotion like women are. they like to observe thing and enjoy them only by looking at them.
my husband truly believes in God and reads Bible almost every day. i thought it will help, but no, after a certain time the temptation comes back and he getting weaker and weaker.
i am going crazy, i cannot trust him anymore and have nightmares that he is cheating on me. how can i sleep better.what should i do? how can i help my husband not to do that anymore.
i would appreciate every help and opinion, thanks a lot.
There are quite a few threads on this issue here on a2k, I would suggest maybe taking a read at those, you may find good advise there. Welcome to a2k!
Well that was a nice way to welcome a newbie. I wonder, have the people of a2k been this nice to you? I agree that these porn issues are getting a little out of hand, but so what, maybe this young lady just needs some caring words, or support, or maybe she just wants to get it out in the open, for herself. I think what you said was a bit harsh....think about!
stand up for pessimism wrote:Well that was a nice way to welcome a newbie. I wonder, have the people of a2k been this nice to you? I agree that these porn issues are getting a little out of hand, but so what, maybe this young lady just needs some caring words, or support, or maybe she just wants to get it out in the open, for herself. I think what you said was a bit harsh....think about!
Yea..well...there are plenty of folks who can giver all the sugar and butter to soften up there message...but I stand by what I said. Pornography, is not (ALL) bad. ..and I did clarify that if someone is up all hours of the day looking at porn and has blisters on their sex organ from whacking off..them yea...they need more help than a frigging internet forum board can give. But if your looking at porn and your mate suddenly discovers this about you...the fault remains with the 2 folks involved...
C O M M U N I C A T I O N has not been achieved prior to the day they said "I do"
.....kind words are warranted only when the question validates it. This is an open forum for ALL of us to express our opions..as long as we stay within the moderated guidelines...
Oh yea welcome to the board.....
Im just about as new as the author is....It's only recently that I decided to join...I lurked for a lonnnng time!
I understand that, and yes, we are all entitled to our opinions. I'm not putting you down for what you wrote, write whatever you want, I have no problem with it. More so though, what made you pick this one thread to say all that, when they're are already so many of them that have already started? Was it just to shut this one up before it could start? That's just kinda why I said what I said!
Quote:i believe most of the men are like that, and they struggle with the sometime for the rest of their lives. men are very visual people and not so emotion like women are. they like to observe thing and enjoy them only by looking at them.
this is bullshit! men are no less emotional than women. It seems to be that men are on average much more emotional than women but I wouldn't argue about it. guys just express their emotions differently.
and about the pornography...it does not mean that you are not the only one for him. it does not mean that he fantasizes about having sex with other women! not at all! it's just a natural urge that men have, relax and stop trying to change him! if he actually does cheat on you thats a different story but so far he hasn't done anything wrong so give him the benefit of the doubt....even murdurers get the benefit of the doubt in court, are you going to give your husband less?
stand up for pessimism wrote:I understand that, and yes, we are all entitled to our opinions. I'm not putting you down for what you wrote, write whatever you want, I have no problem with it. More so though, what made you pick this one thread to say all that, when they're are already so many of them that have already started? Was it just to shut this one up before it could start? That's just kinda why I said what I said!
perhaps.....but more likely, because this one was on top when I opened up the website...and I had read many other post regarding this same subject...and yea I suppose it's my time of the month
..so my wife says..
harsh I may have been..but it jusk irked me to read ANOTHER post on
"How can I get my husband to stop viewing porn and look only at me"..and he's a demon devil for looking at this...and he never did this before....blah..blah...blah..."..
I have nary a thing against this poster...just
venting on a very burned out subject!
I completly understand that, and in alot of ways, i'm glad you said what you said. It's the same thing i've kind of been feeling, i just didn't want to say it to just one individual case without stating my opinion to the others, but, nw that you have said it, maybe those from other porn threads will come in for a peak :wink: By the way, welcome to a2k!
Thanks....have a good nite Im sure someone will respond with further suger coated answers on behalf of whats been said by me!
americangirlintexas - I am a 27 year old male. I read your post tonight browsing through a bunch of sites. I know this post is about a month old... but maybe you'll happen back by it. Anyway, porn IS a compulsion. It is a problem. Most guys dont realize it until they try and quit after a period of exposure. I have been battling against it for some time. I also know other guys who compare it to the heaviest of addictions. Wow! It is easier to "play it off" as no big deal than it is to quit. Just know that it is hard to deal with and alot of couples have to overcome this... with the internet it creaps into millions of households daily. At least 10 years ago people had to seek out the material in a XXX bookstore, now it comes to find any curious male with an internet connection. I'm sure you guys will overcome this, but it might take a little time. Best of luck and God bless.
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