Been through a lot, but my essay doesn't sound powerful. Help

I can agree re spelling. But I take it as secondary to actual brains in action.

And I'll say I'm glad you are here and posting. I'm a brat myself, but I do listen off and on.

Hi, I've been listening while arguing. I've various views about university admissions, some of them changing over decades. I'm an old woman. One of my favorite people ever, Roberta, is arguing with me now. She is a long time NY editor. Enjoy.

Me, UCLA, but ordinary grades. Worked a lot of hours a week, though. I'm no genius.

An admissions committee is going to want to see attention. A typo here or there (or that for the, which are the hardest errors to find as spellcheck rightfully sees both as being real words) will probably be just fine. But a paper mashed full of errors is going to be problematic. The readers are going to understandably wonder if an applicant has enough of the basics to be able to comprehend college work. Admitting someone just to see them fail is cruel.

So I do suggest editing although not going overboard to oh my God absolute perfection if there's a typo I'll commit hara kiri.

Wow! I didn't think I'd get much help, but I'm extremely happy that I'm receiving such great advice.

It's funny how I wasn't even trying with the intro to the post but struggled with the intro to the essay haha.

I was afraid it would make me look entitled and whiny. I'm honestly not trying to use my father or my circumstances as an excuse. I was trying to show how even though throughout that struggle I was dedicated and passionate enough to get to where I am now.

I was trying to actually make it sound like your suggestion, but instead of observations about my classmates, I used a generic guy on the internet.

I really like your suggestion. It shows that I don't envy entitlement.

I see! Dissecting sharks and Steinbeck does sound superficial. Like someone pretending to be interested in that stuff, but they actually aren't. The word limit is killing me lol I wanted to include a lot more content that shows how this shaped me into who I am, but I'm struggling to balance the right amount of background of the situation and how it affected me.

Of course, I won't submit it until my English professor and old high school teacher approve of my grammar and spelling! Haha thanks so much!