Fri 31 Oct, 2014 07:44 pm
Hello everyone ! Here's my essay , and I need feedback and any improvement tips that I have to know that would be great
Thank you .
Nowadays , Smoking is considered as a worldwide phenomenon . Also , people refer smoking as slow death and it steals years of a person's life , which is really horrible and they should be aware of the consequences . So , Smoking should be banned , because it affect the environment badly as well as their health .
Firstly, Smoking should be banned , because it harms the environment . For example , air pollution is one of the causes that would definitely affect the environment . The sky would be unclean and polluted from the cigarette smokes and , it will impact people's life , including non-smokers . After that , It will put them in difficult positions . For example : they will have to wear masks to cover their mouths whenever they pass by a smoker . Another example , they have to avoid certain places . Such as , public places like markets and streets . So , Smokers will force people to be indoors instead of outdoors .
Secondly , Smoking is dangerous , it affect people's health negatively , simply because of the numerous cigarettes that a person smokes per day . For instance , when a person smokes full bucket in one day , he or she would definitely suffers from health issues such as unusual coughing , difficulty in swallowing . Also , there are different types of diseases that could be resulted from smoking . One of them is could be fast like lung cancer and the other type could be slow that will show up after twenty years or more . For Example , livers will shut down and won't function normally , as well as the teeth will turn into bad shape with black and yellow stains all over the teeth . Eventually , they will die if they didn't take the precautions from the beginning .
On the other hand , smoking can be useful to put a person into ease , specially when a person is feeling overwhelmed over work and needs to let the stress out . For example , when a person works in long shift hours , smoking a cigarette could be the only way out through out the day . It might help for a short period of time . However , the pleasure that comes out from smoking one cigarette into another will bite her or him on the back in the near future and they have to be responsible for their own actions .
In conclusion , Smoking should be prohibited , at least some of the places where families gather around like park . So , People should be aware of the outcomes . Also , I advise smokers to quit as soon as possible before its too late .
You can't throw out a statement like cigarettes harm the environment without backing it up with some solid evidence.
Also, people are aware of the dangers of smoking. You can force an adult to not do something, if they are aware of the consequences.
Didn't work with prohibition on alcohol, and hasn't worked with pot.
Personally, I can't see how the amount of smoking in the world today is harming the environment.
It's different in different areas, but where I live smoking is prohibited in all indoor public places, and there are restrictions where you can smoke.
However, are you going to tell someone they can't smoke in the privacy of their own home?
A least a couple of times you said to the effect "people should be made aware of the dangers of smoking, therefore smoking should be banned"
Where is the connection?
It's like saying people should be made aware that fried chicken is not healthy, so we need to close all fried chicken establishments.
Are you sure you're in college?
You know, oral sex is illegal in some places, but I don't think it stops anyone.
@chai2,
Quote:You know, oral sex is illegal in some places, but I don't think it stops anyone.
Where are you on the issue?
@CollegeStudent00,
Are you a native speaker of English? If not, what is your native language? You're in college? What year? I'm asking because I want to offer some language tips, but I need to know if you're an ESL/EFL student first.
@roger,
College students cause global warming? Who knew?
@CollegeStudent00,
Do we get to know which college accepted a student with such poor writing skills? While I hope that this essay was written in Hindi at the University of Mumbai and that what we see is a botched Google translation I somehow doubt that this is the case.
@CollegeStudent00,
Smoking is a pandemic health hazard. Why is this drug legal?
@knaivete,
That's explained in the OP. Nonsmokers just stay inside.
@roger,
i changed the introduction
@FBM,
Glad you asked that question, FBM. I had wondered the same thing. If I were grading that essay, I would take off points not for content or logical conclusion but for awkward, wooden use of the English language.
@Lustig Andrei,
Yes, that what I was meaning also.
@Lustig Andrei,
Since this is formal/academic writing, I would start with mechanics before getting into style, like unnecessary capitalization, spaces with punctuation, etc. Then I'd move up to basic grammar such as subject-verb agreement and incomplete sentences. With my students, I'm generally pretty forgiving of style until they've mastered the fundamentals.
@knaivete,
knaivete wrote:Smoking is a pandemic health hazard. Why is this drug legal?
I
dispute the proposition
that government has jurisdiction to render
ANY drug illegal.
David
@CollegeStudent00,
Smoking has been a global issue nowadays. Writing an essay about it is a good idea because it will serve as a warning to smokers to quit this bad habit and to non-smokers as well to never try it. Yes, everyone knows the negative effects of smoking already as what your essay is all about. Aside from it, you can include as well the possible ways on how they can stop it and quit it for good. Or cite some alternative in which they can get busy with instead of smoking cigarette. This will be very beneficial on their part too.
@chai2,
I take it that you are one of those stubborn people that think globe warming is a myth created by china or something. Making smoking illegal would without a doubt lower the amount of smokers in the world,by taking cigarettes off the public markets would make it at the least harder for young teens to get a hold of cigarettes and not to mention that its hard to compare making smoking illegal to the Prohibition age of the U.S. because that was in the late 1920's and early to mid 1930's, police didn't have the numbers they do today nor did that have the ability to control the whole United States not to mention that it was put apon the cities and towns local police force to control the alcohol problem. In today day and age police are much more capable of handling a task like that.
I smoke, I can come to agree, but I want all my taxes on cigs back.
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