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Fri 17 Sep, 2004 07:58 pm
Hi, I'm new here, and I have a problem that I've never been in before; I really need some advice. I met this guy online about 2 months ago, we've been getting along well, and it's obvious that he likes me. I have been holding back from jumping into a relationship with him, partly b/c I'm naturally cautious, partly b/c I want to keep my options open right now. Well, I have met him in person 7 times now, and we just had our first kiss recently. Anyway, on to the problem- this past time I saw him, he introduced me to his best friend, and he(the best friend) and I get along better than the online guy and I do. I'm pretty sure it's a mutual attraction, but, I don't know, b/c I couldn't bring it up. What should I do? It's not like the online guy and I have been dating for a long time, we kind of just started, but, he really likes me. But, I like his best friend! I just don't know what to do, stay with the online guy and develop that, or pursue the possible relationship with the best friend? Any and all advice will be appreciated. Thank you.
ewww. This is a tough one. You are going to get better(or maybe "nicer") advice from others, I'm sure....but I'd drop the first guy and go for the 2nd one. Isn't that terrible?
welcome to a2k too!
You guys aren't exclusive yet, right? I mean, you barely know each other, right? I would just tell him next time you see him that you really like him, and feel a friend connection, but are more attracted to his friend... and ask him if it bothers him... then try to get info on how to contact his friend...
See? And we've already mapped it all out for ya.
Get #1 to help lead you to #2. Voila!
Since it's nothing serious with the first guy and you don't seem interested, I agree with the others that you should move on, although it is a slap in the face to him if you move on to his best friend.
Montana wrote:Since it's nothing serious with the first guy and you don't seem interested, I agree with the others that you should move on, although it is a slap in the face to him if you move on to his best friend.
How is that a slap in the face? I'm not following...
Princess
Because the guy obviously likes her and was fond enough of her to introduce his best friend to her. I know if I liked a guy and introduced my best friend to him and they ended up together, I'd be a bit pissed.
All is fair in love and war.
Bachelor #1 should be grateful for your candor... but likely will not be. Bachelor #2 should be far more concerned with his friend (if he's worth catching), so you'll likely get neither unless both are quality candidates. You obviously don't have a future with #1 though, so you may as well roll the dice!
Good Luck and welcome to A2K!
Mandy,
Don't worry. It'll all work out and likely #1 guy is already pursuing other options. They tend to know when you aren't interested.
Good luck
thanks
Thanks, everyone for your help on this. I just spent another weekend with the two of them, and I can't tell if his friend was flirting with me, or if he was just being nice- he opened doors(regular and his car doors) for me (#1 never did that), he asked personal information about me, #1 mentioned that someone made a nasty comment about my looks, and the friend said " what an asshole! I think you look great, really" and he was enthusiastic about it, like he really meant it, and not just saying that to make his friend happy. He also pointed out things that #1 was doing to me that was rude, like, "she's standing there holding a bunch of heavy stuff, and you're just standing there, making her hold your stuff and you're bigger than her. You're an asshole, man" At the end of the night, #1 had gone to the bathroom, leaving the friend and I alone; we didn't look at eachother for a few minutes b/c it was awkward, then the friend said " I had a great time today" to me, almost like he wanted to say "with you" at the end of that sentence. We really clicked in my opinion, but, I don't know what he thought about me, and if he would try a relationship with me if his friend and I stopped seeing eachother. Sigh. why does life have to be so complicated?
Re: thanks
Mandy81 wrote: At the end of the night, #1 had gone to the bathroom, leaving the friend and I alone; we didn't look at eachother for a few minutes b/c it was awkward, then the friend said " I had a great time today" to me, almost like he wanted to say "with you" at the end of that sentence. We really clicked in my opinion, but, I don't know what he thought about me, and if he would try a relationship with me if his friend and I stopped seeing eachother.
You dropped the ball, Mandy.
There you were, alnoe w/the guy that makes the dates click for you and you said
what to him?
Absolutely nothing. You could've hit a home run, but you sat there and fouled. OMG! Missed a golden opportunity, I say! Bummer! Next time, just say something! He knows his friend's an ass and striking out! The guy you met online probably knows that too, or doesn't know but also doesn't really care...
All you had to do was speak, woman! 
princesspupule wrote:Mandy81 wrote: At the end of the night, #1 had gone to the bathroom, leaving the friend and I alone; we didn't look at eachother for a few minutes b/c it was awkward, then the friend said " I had a great time today" to me, almost like he wanted to say "with you" at the end of that sentence. We really clicked in my opinion, but, I don't know what he thought about me, and if he would try a relationship with me if his friend and I stopped seeing eachother.
You dropped the ball, Mandy.
There you were, alnoe w/the guy that makes the dates click for you and you said
what to him?
Absolutely nothing. You could've hit a home run, but you sat there and fouled. OMG! Missed a golden opportunity, I say! Bummer! Next time, just say something! He knows his friend's an ass and striking out! The guy you met online probably knows that too, or doesn't know but also doesn't really care...
All you had to do was speak, woman!
I smiled at him and nodded when he said that! My tongue kinda got tied!
It's not like I just stared at him with a blank look on my face. You think he was trying to tell me he was interested?
princesspupule: That kind of thinking is just pointless. At that very moment she probably had good reasons for doing what she did.
Just like I can think "what if..." but what good does it do? She felt they clicked, and I know what she means, it's a profound feeling, in your guts, trust those emotions more than what your rational mind tells you.
As for me in my case, if I'd said more that night to this special girl, or jumped in bed with her, I don't know what difference it would have made, if any at all.
Some things are meant to be and they will be, not because of not because of what you do at one single moment but because of a whole chain of events. If they are meant for each other, these things don't matter, not the slightest! They will take exactly as much time as they need, you cannot know when and if and you don't need to know it either, just trust the ones worth working out will work out, eventually, because they do!
Mandy81: Trust your intuition and dare take chances with people, be candid because you know if he's so great and good for you it will work out, if it doesn't then he wasn't as good as you'd hoped, makes it no loss. You have nothing to lose!
eww, i think #2 likes ya. go for #2.
Sounds like #1. is an ass, so I'd be headed for #2.
Good luck ;-)
bad news
thanks for all your help, but, it looks like I'm stuck with #1- his friend (#2) called him and said I was "nice" and that #1 and I "make a good couple". Unless #2 emails me and secretly confesses that he likes me, but, couldn't tell #1 about it, I'm pretty much screwed.
Sigh.
Mandy--
I'm a back number. Do people still double date? Do you have a friend who might be suitable for Prospect #1?
If double dating is no longer in fashion, can you revive the fashion. Retro is IN.
Geez, the maneuvering goes on. Do you know #2's name and address?
You are not interested in number one, don't waste his time, he has feelings too. You do like his friend. Say so, don't be sneaky. Part of romantic angst is everyone going around being sneaky and then someone is left in the cold. You don't owe the rest of your life or even the next week to number one. You aren't engaged or going together. It was a test meeting, wasn't it?
It seems an unreasonable weight to put on the very light acquaintance with number one. Unless of course #1 is mad about you, but even then, I would just be serene about your interest in the other fellow and your wish to be his friend.
Mandy
Even if it's not in the cards with #2, you are by no means stuck with #1. If you're not interested in #1, then move on and find someone else. It's not fair to either one of you if you are simply settling for him until someone better comes along. If a guy ever told me that someone had negative comments about my looks, I'd run, not walk away. What a stupid ass thing to say. His friend even thought so, so I'd lose #1 like yesterdays news and if #2 isn't up to getting involved, then I'd be looking for a #3.
I know I'm not really "stuck" with #1, but, he considers me his girlfriend now, and I don't like hurting people.
I just don't understand it- I thought there was an obvious mutual attraction there. He (#2) kept saying he was worried about making a good first impression on me, and, coupled with everything else he said and did, I thought there was something going on between us. I mean, is that the way ALL guy friends behave toward their friend's dates? that they just met? I'm hoping that he does like me, but, can't/won't tell his friend, b/c #2 thinks I'm serious with #1. I have his email address, and I sent him a note saying I thought he was a great guy, and I had a lot of fun. Now the ball's in his court, so to speak. If he makes a move on me, or says he's interested, I'm jumping on it. I already told #1 that I'm not sure we should see eachother. I don't know. It's such a tangled web.
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