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8th grade awkward relationship issues

 
 
Reply Sat 27 Aug, 2016 02:26 pm
So I'm a 13 year old guy in 8th grade. In 7th I had a crush on this girl. I told her i liked her. We got really close and at some point texted for hours every day.

We were both in concert band and at the end of the school year the band takes a trip to an amusement park.

While we were there (it was me, the girl, one of her friends, and someone who was both of our friends) I got in a bad mood throughout the day. I was sick, tired, and losing my voice. She thought that I was mad at her. Near the end of the day someone walked up to me and I told them to **** off. The girl thought I told HER to **** off. The next day I felt terrible and tried to text her to tell her what the deal was. She wouldn't respond.

For the rest of the summer I would text her to try and apologize/talk to her. And I guess her friends thought I was being a terrible person. Multiple times her friends would send me blocks of text about how much of a terrible person I am. Obviously this lowered my self esteem and since then I've been really depressed.

And the thing is that I still like her. I still think she's perfect, but I still have no idea how she feels because she hasn't talked to me at all. I just can't get over her. And don't care at all what her friends think, I never did. Most of her friends I was good friends with too.

Now a week into 8th grade year. I would usually sit at her table at lunch. I said "if you guys don't want me to sit here I wont" and one her friends said "no, it's fine". So now I still sit at her table and just watch her act like nothing happened. She isn't mean or anything towards me either. But, she does avoid me. I have no idea what's going on and I can't work up the courage to ask her

Thoughts?
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Aug, 2016 02:45 pm
@PoopsMcgeee,
Work up the courage to ask her. Otherwise, you'll never know.

Bottom line: everybody at your age is awkward. No exceptions. And most misinterpret this or that, and then everybody runs with it. Which sucks, but it's reality.

Her getting her pals involved was, well, you might want to rethink the whole 'perfect' idea. No one is. Seriously. And that's okay. Imperfect people need love, too. Smile

In the meantime, tell her you're sorry there was a misunderstanding. Explain what you said here. Then see what happens.

Don't be surprised if she's somehow committed to thinking you said something bad to her when you didn't. The whole thing was an utter overreaction. Who knows what her friends were telling her?

In the meantime, live your life. Hang out with friends. Her, her pals if they are also your friends and, you know, your other friends.

Maybe somebody perfect-er will come along.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Aug, 2016 06:02 pm
@PoopsMcgeee,
I agree with Jespah to go ahead and talk to her and see what happens. Not like you have a lot to lose at this point.

But I will say that my reading of this (just a feeling, could be wrong) is that this was a straw that broke the camel's back sort of situation, and if it hadn't been this straw, it would have been something else. Not that things would have continued perfectly if this misunderstanding hadn't occurred.

While small misunderstandings genuinely can metastasize, I think it's more likely that if she were still interested in continuing the relationship she would have found her way around it. The fact that things are more or less back on an even keel but she's still avoiding you also indicates she's no longer interested.

So if you talk to her, keep in mind that you might not get anywhere -- she may refuse to accept that it was a misunderstanding and get mad about that (because she considers this situation resolved to her satisfaction, and doesn't want to reopen it), or she might indicate that she was about ready to break up anyway and the specific misunderstanding was neither here nor there. Or she might just find your continued interest invasive and tone-deaf. Definitely tread lightly and be ready to back off if things are not going well.

She might also say "I'm so glad you cleared this up!" Just, prepare yourself for a less-happy result. And be prepared to give her space if she indicates that's what she prefers. (The whole "watching her act like nothing happened" part concerns me a little.)
PoopsMcgeee
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Aug, 2016 01:57 pm
@jespah,
Yeah I know she isn't perfect. But being my age and her being my first "girlfriend" it's hard to think that there's girls that are better than her. And I feel like there's a good chance that, like you said, she'd be committed to thinking I said something bad to her. And at this point, if she wasn't interested in a romantic relationship anymore I'd be okay with that. I just don't want us to be so distant all the time. Especially considering we have a lot of the same friends. Thanks for the advice!
PoopsMcgeee
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Aug, 2016 02:02 pm
@sozobe,
I don't feel like she was starting to lose interest in me. All she wanted to do was hang out with me before she stopped talking to me. But I do feel like there was something going on that she wasn't talking about. And yeah, I still like her, but I'm trying my best not to be invasive or anything.

And like I told Jespah, I'd completely understand if she doesn't want any romantic relationship. So if she wants me to back off, I will.

Thank you.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2016 12:53 pm
@PoopsMcgeee,
Having a goal of just being less distant is more promising than a goal of getting back together. It's possible that the fact that things are still a little unresolved is why she's remaining distant -- she may want to be sure she doesn't send any wrong signals about her romantic interest -- and if you clear up that you're actually totally fine with being just friends, maybe that'll thaw things a bit. Good luck!
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