Another Relationship Ruined by Porn (but now what do I do?)

Greetings all,

I know this subject is quite common, but the threads I looked at which began with similar topics were all about marriage - and I'm not.

Basic history: (sorry, I know this is gonna be wordy)

At the time we started dating he had just seperated from his ex-wife (she came out) and I had plans to move out of the city - but after a few months I decided to move back; we kept a long-distance thing going on while I was gone.

1. he left his phone in a cab one night - the cabbie called me (1st on redial) and informed me that the guy who left his phone went home with a girl; I assume the worst but he assures me that they're just friends (I eventually came to believe this)

2. two days before I'm supposed to move back (van rented, job notice given) he breaks up with me - for 24 hours - he blames fear and stress (at this point he's only been separated from his lesbian wife for 5 or 6 months) I move anyway after many apologies and promises not to do something like that again.

3. The day after I move back I accidentally find boatloads of porn on his computer - I would like to point out that I Was Not Snooping!!! At the time I was such a novice I didn't realize that computers tracked past usage (hey I was new to the machine!) I confront him and he gets angry and defensive but eventually apologizes; I mean, I was literally On The Road in a moving van at the moment he was downloading those pictures, you'd think he could wait an hour!

4. Then i accidentally (look, I opened the drawer to get the sewing kit I knew was in there!) found his porno DVD and his lube

5. About a month later I found new porn on the PC - again, I swear, I chanced upon it - I hit a button and a naked lady popped out!

So, at this point the computer was moved into the living room - he had another roommate at the time, so this was a kind of insurance - I really thought the problem was solved. Eventually we got our own place, and we have now lived together for almost two years.

I started noticing suspicious behavior a while ago - lots of staying up late on the computer, quickly switching to a new screen if I walked in the room; I'd walk into the bathroom when he was taking a shower and he'd quickly turn his back to me not quite managing to hide his obvious erection; but he just kept lying lying lying about it until I caught him watching porn on TV (the moaning woke me up, he had forgotten to turn the sound down) and he was too slow to flick the remote before I saw. Then he admit that he's been doing it, and trying not to, but just a couple times...RIGHT!

He says it's because I haven't seemed interested in sex. Let me just come right out and clear that one up! I was ALWAYS the one with the bigger sex drive. I would (almost) beg him for sex and he wouldn't be interested. But that, coupled with the porn thing, bothered me so much that I did start to lose interest - in HIM, not sex. And he won't approach me - I mean almost every time we've ever had sex has been my idea, so really it's another lie.

We got into a huge huge fight about a month ago - I even slapped him once on the thigh, which is as violent as our relationship has ever gotten - because I heard him at it again; you'd think he'd notice that the computer chair squeaks... later he said he wanted to "get his own place, but stay together." I won't. At first I said that if he moved that was it... but then I started thinking "maybe that was it anyway." He is an addict - plain and simple - lies about it, tries to stop but can't, and would rather do that than interact with a real live person (handily in the next room over).

I mean, masturbation's awesome if you're single, or on a long business trip and don't want to bring your significant other "shanghai surprise" :wink: but if you have a partner - who's readily accessible - I'm sorry, it's wrong, it's cheating. Maybe you're not cheating with someone, but you're definitely cheating ON someone. Not to mention making the person who is supposed to be the "other most important person in your life" feel 100% unworthy, unattractive, unloved, alone, and whatever the feminine version of emasculated is (I've never been quite sure...)

So, what do I do - ever since I told him that I would break up with him if he moved he's back-peddled on that idea and is generally doing whatever he can to make me happy (except for sex, of course). And I haven't told him that I'm thinking that I may even if he doesn't. I'm so distraught by this whole thing that I'm hurting my health.... but I just found new porn on the PC 4 days ago. (Ok, this time, I admit I typed the single letter "F" into our browser's address bar on a hunch and looked at the Favorite sites it remembered; I still don't exactly call it snooping, I didn't check e-mail or run searches or even look at his history, I typed one letter and could just as easily have been trying to find the link to Fleet bank to pay my credit card bill)

Again (if you've made it this far) I apologize for talking so much and I appreciate your patience and time