Reply
Wed 15 Sep, 2004 10:16 am
With punctilious and hardworking initiative, and based on the principle of "Best Quality, Best Service", our company keeps abreast of the internatonal trend of furniture industry.
Please improve the sentence above.
'"Best Quality, Best Service"-- and we keep abreast of international trends in the furniture industry.'
The original is just too wordy for advertisement, Oristar.
Many people, perhaps most, will not necessarily recognize the word punctilious--and won't appreciate seeing so unfamiliar a word in such a context. Hardworking initiative is an awkward locution.
With our initiative and hard work, and a principle of "Best Quality, Best Service"--we keep abreast of trends in the international furniture industry.
(I am here suggesting that trends themselves are not international--it seems unreasonable to accept the notion that furniture styles will be uniformly popular within a single market, let alone internationally.)
The way you have worded it implies that the workers' attention to detail and hard work make it possible for the business to keep abreast of the industry...when really these are completely unrelated things. I think that implication should be removed.