reasserting the subject when describing a part of the subject in added information after a comma

Forums: English, Grammar, Language
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Sarah looked at David, eyes full of concern.
OR
Sarah looked at David, her eyes full of concern.

I wanted to know if there's a more correct way of writing this, or if it matters at all.

Thanks!

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 967 • Replies: 13

No top replies

Both are equally good. You are over thinking this.

0 Replies

@perennialloner,

Sarah looked at David, eyes full of concern.
One could think that it is David whose eyes are full of concern.

Sarah looked at David, her eyes full of concern.
This makes it clear that it is Sarah whose eyes are full of concern.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

Sarah looked at David, eyes full of concern.
One could think that it is David whose eyes are full of concern.

No native reader would think that. The verb 'looked' makes clear whose eyes are being described.

1 Reply

John whispered to Mary, voice full of concern
Sally touched the baby, hand trembling with excitement.

It is obvious whose voice and whose hand are being described.

2 Replies

@contrex,

contrex wrote:

PUNKEY wrote:

Sarah looked at David, eyes full of concern.
One could think that it is David whose eyes are full of concern.

No native reader would think that. The verb 'looked' makes clear whose eyes are being described.

It is rather ambiguous. The eyes aren't exactly analogous to a voice. The voice is concerned with speaking, whereas the eyes, while they are concerned primarily with looking, also convey information themselves, e.g. concern. It isn't clear whose eyes were conveying concern, the one looking or the one being looked at. For all intents and purposes, we assume that "eyes full of concern" refers to Sarah's. Pronouns would definitively eliminate the ambiguity and assumption.

Sarah looked at David, her eyes full of concern.

Sarah looked at David, his eyes full of concern.

0 Replies

@contrex,

Also:

Sally touched the baby, her hand trembling with excitement.

Sally touched the baby, its hand trembling with excitement.

0 Replies

@contrex,

Further, even using the word "voice" there is still ambiguity:

John whispered to Mary, his voice full of concern.

John whispered to Mary, her voice full of concern.

1 Reply

@InfraBlue,

Thank you for all your responses.

If I changed David to another woman, making it "Sarah looked at Alexandra, [her] eyes full of concern." If I keep the pronoun, there's still the ambiguity you mentioned, so I think contrex's explanation is good. Even though we're assuming that it is Sarah's eyes and not Alexandra's, it is the natural assumption, I think?

I guess I wondered more about style when I asked this question.

2 Replies

@perennialloner,

Quote:

Sarah looked at David, eyes full of concern.

"I guess I wondered more about style when I asked this question."

Why the pleonasmic reference to 'eyes' ?

Sarah, with the consternation that only a lover could countenance, eyed David with suspicion.

1 Reply

@ascribbler,

It's unnecessary. You're right. Thanks for your help.

0 Replies

@perennialloner,

perennialloner wrote:

Thank you for all your responses.

If I changed David to another woman, making it "Sarah looked at Alexandra, [her] eyes full of concern." If I keep the pronoun, there's still the ambiguity you mentioned, so I think contrex's explanation is good. Even though we're assuming that it is Sarah's eyes and not Alexandra's, it is the natural assumption, I think?

I guess I wondered more about style when I asked this question.

Adding the name "Alexandra" changes the sentence, though, and one would deal with it differently than with your first example.

Yes, it's the natural, or automatic assumption, but the sentence made me think about the assumption as well, and I doubt that that was your stylistic intent.

0 Replies

@perennialloner,

You could rephrase the sentence.

Sarah looked anxiously at David.

0 Replies

@perennialloner,

If you reassert the verb you might trigger the image the first part paints

Sarah looked at David, eyes looking with concern

0 Replies

reasserting the subject when describing a part of the subject in added information after a comma

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know