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What do you think

 
 
Reply Sun 7 Aug, 2016 09:09 pm
❤ Jacked

I walked up and looked into her eyes and she looked at me, as if surprised. She new I had a thing for her, it was just a matter of time and now was that time.
I grabbed her quikly firm but gentle, pulling her lips close to mine, a silent unh was lightly heard as we held each other closely while our bodies merged. I could feel the warmth of her love as it entered my heart, to confirm what I felt right from the start. We felt the earth move under our feet as we trembled with passion in love so deep. Although words were never spoken, I could tell her heart was broken. For she never wanted her heart to be free, because safe was her heart, in her own captivity. She pushed away slowly with a tear running down her cheek, for what she had experienced made it hard for her to speak. We just stood there, as if frozen in time. I heart jacked this woman just to make her mine. I felt selfish and hurt all in an instant but the damage was set in, now how can I fix this?
She looked into my eyes and begin to smile but the room remained quiet yet for a while. She needed a moment to take it all in, and I stood there with patience waiting for her to begin.
The silence was broken and these words were spoken.
Wow babe what did we do you know this can't work me with you.
Any other place, space or time i'd give you my heart at the drop of a dime. You and I walking hand in hand, happy together in front of our fans, what would they think and what would they say? I love you babe in the worst kind of way. I felt your heart when our lips met, I melted inside and broke out in cold sweat.
But think about the outcome "what about the outcome"
Surely babe, we really gonna hurt some.
I guess you're right and I know you're right but think about this, it's our life. They live their lives and do as they choose, we can't allow them to make our rules.
After picking my face up off the floor, I turned around and walked toward the door but she said wait! Listen, try to understand; I said I do I completly understand. Damn those fans and what they think, come on sweet heart give me a break.
She said come here, baby I'm sorry I've got your back no need to worry.
We sat down and talked a little while, then she looked at me, and just smiled "I said what" and she just smiled, then she pulled me close and we caressed for a while.
Now it was getting late but we didn't mind and I could tell by her look , she was ready to unwind. So I made a sugestion and she agreed a full body massage, to set her mind at ease. That was the moment our journey would begin, as we awake in the morning with the Sun peeking in.
She said good morning and I said great morning, lying next to you is the best morning, babe you're crazy "I must agree, crazy about you and you about me".

To be continued......

Heart Jacked
By Rod
Hard But Fair

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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 789 • Replies: 2
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jespah
 
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Reply Mon 8 Aug, 2016 06:39 am
@imoutthere2,
Are you learning how to write fiction? Then you need to learn how to handle dialogue tags. I would also recommend reading up on tropes and clichés - the TV tropes website is good for that. Further, you'll need to edit better. Homophones are not always easy to spot. I find it helps to set work aside for a little while and then come back to it and then they tend to leap out at me.
imoutthere2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Aug, 2016 02:51 am
@jespah,
Thank you for your advice
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