My horrible affair. Please dont do it.

I write this knowing I'm going to be torn apart by everyone. But I write this in the hope I may help somebody before they do stupid things I did. A little bit about me. I am not from America. As a child I grew up very poor. At 10 i was raped by my alcoholic step-brother. I ran away and got a job as a maid. I was raped again. I ran away and was grabbed by two men and sold to a house that belonged to the police. Every night I was taken to places where men from other countries basically raped me. Years went by and my now husband met me and saved me. He took me from that place and married me and has loved me for almost 30 years now. I never told anyone ever what happened to me. A few years ago I started permimenopause. I had no idea what it was. I became so depressed, i cried, i pulled away from my husband. I got hot and cold, mood swings and I thought I was going crazy. I couldn't talk about it to my husband. Then one day an old coworker showed up on FB. I'll call him RV. I really didn't know him to well but we started chatting. He asked all kinds of stuff about me. I told him I was married and I love my husband. I didn't here from him for weeks and he showed up again this time turning on the charm. And he did this for months. And I fell for it. Oh how beautiful i felt. Then one month he turned it sexual. By then I thought this guy must really like me and he kept telling me how beautiful and sexy I was. We shared naked photos. He never sent any with his face but insisted I did. Mistake. He was stationed in Korea and said we should hook up. I went along with it cause he was thousands of miles away. Then I get a message he will be here in two days. I was in a panic. I didn't want to see him but the fantasy i had created was to strong. I met him at his car. He told me this was a no commitment affair cause I was married and he had a girlfriend. Then he grabbed me and dragged me on top of him. It didn't go well, he seemed to have erection problems and then a cop drove by. That ended that. The next time he brought his daughter and rented a separate room. I showed up and he grabbed me and started taking off my clothes. I then noticed that for the first time how small his penis was. He was a big man with no dick. He was in a hurry cause his daughter thought he was out jogging. No passion at all. Just jumped me for a minute then had to play with himself to get hard. Did that a couple of times then just got up and said he had to go. I felt used and cheap but I couldn't make myself believe he used me. He went back to Korea and text me how good he was. Bragged about it. I said to myself it's over. We talked for months and he kept asking for pictures. Then when he came back to the U.S. he said he was coming to see me. I said ok. But I thought this is when I end it. But the whole time I kept thinking what if he gets mad? What if he tells people (which he did) or shared my pictures (which he did) or told my husband? I showed up and he made me wait until the basketball game was over. The more I wanted to say its over the more my mouth wouldn't open. So he did it again. And it hurt bad. He had to stop and beat off four times. He just kept jamming it in. Then he just got up and went into the bathroom. When he came out he said "how was it?" I said I had better. He frowned and said "you know it was good". I say in the bathroom until the pain went away. I felt so stupid. What a bad wife I was. I wanted to die. I was scared of him. I didn't see him again but he did continue to text. Wanting pictures and talking dirty. Every time I posted how much I loved my husband he was there wanting pictures like he had to humiliate me and keep control. Then I got caught. Driving home from work that night I prayed someone would hit my car and kill me. It destroyed my husband. Two years later he still cry's. And it hurts my so bad inside when I see that. But he has forgiven me. But the trust is gone. I know this will affect us forever. But he fixed my depression and today I'm back to normal. I cry when I think back to what I did. I had a beautiful marrage. With time maybe it will be again. I just wish I had talked to my husband back then. Counselling has helped me open up to him. Don't do what I did. Please don't do what I did. It is not worth the pain. I hope God can forgive me.