Tue 26 Jul, 2016 10:55 am
Hello everyone: This is my first time in this forum. I am 34 years old and I just recently started a long-distance relationship with a 26 years old guy. He is quite different from the other boys I have met around his age and we share a lot of common interests. Besides, he drives me crazy physically! He lives 1 and a half hours away from where I live.
When I started to flirt with him, I noticed he always reply my messages quickly and used a lot of lines and words to express his ideas. But then, after we agreed to become a couple, I noticed he has become a little bit distant.
Please, do not get me wrong, when we are together the chemistry is awesome. But as soon as we say good-bye, I have to deal with the fact that he barely sends me messages, letters, or anything like that. It feels as if I were the one driving this relationship while we are away from each other. I have just recently gave up on sending him postcards or small gifts during the days of the week we do not see each other, mainly because he seems cold to me (even indifferent) and, sometimes, I spend several hours making him a nice gift and he only replies to it with a "thanks" or with some emoticon of any kind. He never sends me anything. I do this not because I want him to do the same, but to let him know I am there, but I am getting tired of not having a better response from him. Besides, I usually think about him during the whole day, but I do not think that is his case.
At this rate, I have decided just to say him 'hello' in the morning and 'have a good night' in the evening, but still I do not like that, it is not like me at all. We have spoken about it, and what he says is that that is the way he is and that we have to deal with our own demons while we are away and do not desperate. I am not desperate, just disappointed because I would like to be present in his life but it seems he does not appreciate that.
Any ideas or suggestions?
I'd suggest finding someone whose communication habits align more closely with yours. Neither of you is going to change, nor should you.
(disclaimer - I'd be like the guy who doesn't communicate often)
I guess so, thank you for your reply. But, you know, it has been so difficult to find someone like him and we we are together everything is pure awesomeness.
Is a mOve on you part possible ? I'm not suggesting it necessarily but if you were considering it and you could to do it within your career and lifestyle; however don't move in at least initially ( 1 yr later maybe if it progressed well).
Is it practical?
Is it worth it?
Otherwise, find a guy who is as considerate of all your needs even when your apart. If you're giving your all, should expect the same in return!
And you're complaining about a relationship that is always awesome when you're together...
I think there is an app for guys like that. Automatically sends little endearing nothings to your significant other when apart.
everything is pure awesomeness.
This is worrisome. No two people can agree 100% of the time on everything.
Money, where to live, number of children? Disagreements about money is the major conflict for most couples.
Thank you Ragman. Definitely I have consider moving. I will have to wait for some time (I am attending the University for one more year to get my Master degree) before doing it.
And you're right, I am giving all and I barely see him doing the same.
You're right Leadfoot. I have to confess this is my first long-distance relationship ever.
I will look for the app, thanks for the helpful tip!
Always seems weird to me to call it a long-distance relationship when they're 1.5 hours apart. People commute that distance (x 2) every day to get to work.
1.5 hours ? that's a relationship with someone you could see every day.
Well, our relationship has just started. We have not advanced that far yet. What I was trying to explain is that the time we spend together (not far away from each other) is really great, he cares for me and give me some looks you can doubt he is really falling in love with me (As I am with him). The point is: When we are away, I feel really alone.
So true! When I was in the USAF stationed at Travis AFB, my girlfriend lived in San Mateo (82 miles). I hitch hiked my way to San Mateo every weekend to see her. To make a long story short, she married another guy when I was stationed in Morocco for one year. We were supposed to get married when I returned from Morocco.
You know what? You're right. Probably I forgot to mention that I am attending the school for one extra year during the afternoons, to get my master degree, making it even more difficult to see each other during the weekdays.
Isn't there someplace in the middle you could arrange to meet for a coffee/dinner/something something once in a while? 45 minutes each way isn't much at all.
I travel about 45 - 60 minutes to get to work. This afternoon I'll travel half an hour to get to a double dance class. Then it will be 45 minutes home. 2 hours of travel + 2.5 hours at the dance studio on top of work time and home time. It's do-able.
I suppose we can do that. The main point here is the fact that while we're away, he seldom sends me messages or any displays of affection.
I think that's something you'll have to get used to - or find a different partner as I initially suggested.
Again, you're right. It's the transition period what really causes me so much trouble. @ehBeth: thank you for your words.