@brucen,
It seems that she has a quite concrete, short list of demands on you. That sounds as not so bad news to me.
Do you agree on her about your bad moods and how does your job affect in your personal life? Do other members of your family and friends think alike about your behaviour change? And more importantly, do you know more concretely about how you have changed for the worse and how to turn this back to previous healthier habits?
A good friend of mine always reminds me about the importance of the little big pleasures of life (i.e. in my case eating gummies while watching a good movie at home) which restore your moods after a hard day. Do you have yours, so you could feel a little happier everyday in spite of everything else?
And regarding your new job search, have you ever shared with your wife the difficulties you have encountered so far? Is she aware of the efforts you have made and the barriers you have faced? Have you ever asked for help in this topic? It sounds as if was your problem (referring only to you) instead as your problem (referring to both of you, as a family).
I wish you all the best! Good luck with your relationship!