friends marriage is rocky

Just be there for her. She'll need you.

Just my $0.02 worth.

PP

Don't say anything bad about him, no matter how much you want to. Listen to her rant, if you wish, although if I were in your position I would advise her to get counseling and tell her counselor everything.

Why am I suggesting this? Because, inevitably, she will either decide to stay with him, or not, but either way it may be difficult to look you in the eye if she feels she's said too much to you. I know you are close and all that, but try to resist the temptation to let her unload on you. Yes, you want to be a good friend, but if she decides to stay with him, she is really going to have a problem with anything she's said to you. And if she decides to leave him, she may regret that (and you could be the object of her wrath if she blames you for the demise of the relationship), or, even if she doesn't regret it, she may still have a problem with you knowing intimate details.

A close friend of mine married a guy I couldn't stand. I said nothing, and it was the best thing I could have done. She divorced him after less than a year, and later on told me she was relieved that I didn't give her a hard time about him while they were wed.

It's very tempting to play amateur psychologist, particularly if someone is feeding you information. You want to be a good friend and that's understandable, but the best way you can be a friend is to urge her to work with a professional.

Jespah is right. Even if you and this gal are Siamese twins, her marriage vows involved "forsaking all others"--even if his marriage vows skipped that clause.

Listen, but give sympathy, not opinions. Don't call him an evil, treacherous, two-timing sob. Tell her it must be incredibly hard to cope with the facts of repeated infidelity. Don't say that he's lying in his teeth that his little black book is just a private ego booster. Tell her that you understand that his little black book is upsetting.

The best of best friends understand that "forsaking all other" clause.

Are there children involved?

Noddy24,

There are no children involved.

Jespah,

Thanx for such wonderful advice.

Aw, shucks. I gotta tell ya, it was not easy to avoid trashing him. I had to keep telling myself Her friendship is more important than my being able to say bad things about him.

southgal--

Glad to hear that no children are involved. Your friend can concentrate on her own needs without worrying about helpless children.

You are so right. Thanks for the advice.