my husband has a high sex drive and I have none, help!!!

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My name is jenna and I have dilemma and I am afraid it is going to ruin my relationship. My fiance and i have been together for 5 years and we have 3 children 2 from my previous relationship and 1 with him. We are getting married in March and we love each other very much. He has taken on the role as the father of my first 2 children. They were very small when we met and they call him daddy. They love him like a father. He loves them the same. I think this is very hard to come by and I feel blessed. I am able to stay home with my kids right now while he works to provide for us. We are both honest and faithful to each other. And when he isnt working we are always together. We never go anywhere apart. We do everything as afamily and this is what I have always wanted. Now here is the problem, I have no sex drive Sad

. None at all. And he has the most active libido of anyone I have ever known. He wants sex all of the time. He is always talking about it, asking for it, hinting at it, groping me and I feel terrible because I don't want it. It wisent always this way. I used to not be able to keep my hands off of him. I feel used when we have sex. I feel like the only time he pays any attention to me is when he wants it. He isn't compassionate or emotional. When I am hurt, he turns away. Sometimes he says hurtful things to me just to hurt me. IT SEEMS LIKE I am always doing hat he wants and he doesn't care what i want unless he is going to get something out of it. I am a very giving caring person and I do everything for him. I take care of everything and i do what i can to keep peace. i feel like i am always walking on eggshells because he is very critical. I want him to communicate with me and be emotionally connected to me, but he isn't and when I talk to him about it, he shuts down and doesn't want to talk. Unless he wants sex from me and even then, I think he is just saying what i want to hear. I don't think he ever hears what i am saying. Please help. I want to want sex from him but i also want him to be there emotionally and have a heart sometimes!

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How can you both feel blessed and that you are walking on eggshells? They seem to cancel each other out, kwim?

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Have you talked to your doctor or a counsellor about your lack of sex-drive? Please don't think I'm blaming you for your situation though.

As bad as it may seem to some women, some men really do get wound up when they can't have sex and deem that they should (ie. when they're in a relationship). It must be a hormonal thing. Taken to the very extremes, it's probably the same thing that drives a minority of men to rape.

It makes men seem emotionally weak to women, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, and it doesn't mean it doesn't have to be dealt with.

A healthy middle-ground between too much sex and none at all is probably what would make you both happier.

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Quote:

He wants sex all of the time. He is always talking about it, asking for it, hinting at it, groping me and I feel terrible because I don't want it. It wisent always this way. I used to not be able to keep my hands off of him. I feel used when we have sex. I feel like the only time he pays any attention to me is when he wants it.

Quote:

Sometimes he says hurtful things to me just to hurt me. IT SEEMS LIKE I am always doing hat he wants and he doesn't care what i want unless he is going to get something out of it.

It sounds to me that you have an emotionally cold and abusive man who uses sex to control you. It sounds like he characteristically discounts your feelings. It is quite difficult to feel romantic about a man who apparently has little consideration for YOUR emotional needs.

Think about what was happening when your sexual feelings for him changed? Was he more responsive and empathic to you in the earlier part of your relationship?

I think that your best bet is for the two of you to see a marriage counselor. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. That would just be falling in to what your fiancee is attempting to accomplish.

If HE won't go to counselling, you go yourself. And, BTW, if I were you, I wouldn't "tie the knot" until you dealt with this problem. Good luck!

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Well, I think, Phoenix has said the right thing(s)!

I do think, something happened to/within your relationship - something, which perhaps you don't want to see to clearly now.

And really: don't blame yourself for anything!

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I completely agree with Phoenix as well. I wouldn't marry him if he's treating you this way and I'd be willing to bet that you no longer want to have sex with him because of the way he's treating you.

Good luck to you.

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Another nod to what Phoenix said. You need to see a counselor about this. There's more to this than sexual frequency...there are control issues and self-esteem issues, too. These should definitely be resolved before you marry him or it could become a permanent problem.

He absolutely DOES NOT have the right to expect sex from you when you don't feel like it. That isn't marriage...it's sexual slavery.

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my husband has a high sex drive and I have none, help!!!

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