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Mon 11 Jul, 2016 05:43 pm
Hi all. ..I could really use some advice from those more experienced than I. I'm going to be introduced to a woman by some friends in the next week or so, and I have no clue how to approach the situation. First, a little background: I'm 38, divorced, and never really dated (met my ex wife pretty young). I'm also a bit of an introvert, and have been single long enough to know I'm not good at meeting/ hooking up with women (it's just a different scene in middle age, compared to my early 20's!) I chock it up to my lack of experience. I feel really awkward and. ...almost shallow. ...andfake...acting like other guys act (even though it works! ) and I'm trying to find a middle ground that brings me success yet still in harmony with who I really am (ie...not a player). Basically I'm trying to come into my own, so to speak.
So now the question: I'm about to be introduced to a woman by some friends. Presumably, she knows knows we're being introduced too. This is where the awkwardness sets in for me. There's like this pressure I feel to make something happen. I can carry on conversations just fine, but crossing over to anything more personal is where my problem lies. No matter how I may word it, it always feels like ' hey what's your number? ', or some cheesy **** like that. It seems transparent. Cheap. And awkward. I guess what I want to know is. ..what is a tactful way of going about all this, presuming I'm attracted to her in the first place? I would much rather meet someone the normal way, and things happen more or less naturally, but anyone out there who's middle aged ought to already be laughing at that statement and understand how I just need to get better at this stuff!
Amy comments, advice, or even criticisms are welcome. Please. ...
@fyodor0808,
How about
"Hi, Susan, it's really nice to meet you. Isn't this awkward? I always find these meetings so odd, don't you? So why don't we just get through it and then maybe do something another time, when the pressure is off. Is it okay to get in touch with you? Can I have your number?"
Done.
@jespah,
Thanks for the comment. But this is what I normally do and it doesn't work so well. I look younger than my age and I'm pretty fit, so I always generate alot of interest in the beginning, but that soon wanes when women discover I'm not the cool, confident, smooth talker they were hoping for. I usually come away feeling pretty confident that if I acted like some dominant Alfa- male they would have been thrilled, but that's not me. I'm glad that's not me. And that's why I said originally that there must be some middle ground and I just need to find it. Maybe I just need more practice. In fact I know I do, but this time it's happening within my social circle, so i almost feel like my street-cred is at stake, if you know what I mean! I agree with your suggestion, and had already planned on just being honest, but in my gut I feel like this never goes over well and was
hoping for some advice (hopefully from others who've experienced thr same thing) of what I might do differently. Ideally, just being honest like you say would be great. I can do that no problem. It's just that I don't think it works so well in the real world.
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