I understand that but no one ties me to this world. I don't know who to persevere for if I cannot do it for myself. Yes, I care for my family but I believe my love for them only falls as far as surface level. I was a spiteful, nihilistic person all my life so I took family for granted. It was only recently that I started opening up about my depression to them, and even now, I haven't told them much. The problem is that I am only clinging to them because I stopped having the energy to be strong using hate or fear as a shield.
People often ask the question, "how do you think your parents/family would feel if you killed yourself?" If I were to be honest, I would say "I don't care. Why do I have to give up the option of peace because of them? I am tired of coping. I just want to rest." In other words, the relationship I have is superficial on my end despite how close we are. But other than my family, I can see no other purpose.
You're right about the endless possibilities of the future. It's just that it's been too long already, at least in my opinion. I am afraid of continuing to experience life and living this way (on top of other fears ofc).
I'll have to both agree and disagree on that statement. Morally, it could be said that suicide is 'the easy way out' or that it is cowardly but it takes guts to successfully kill yourself or even attempt to do it. Many stop at researching methods or keeping thoughts as thoughts but not many can actually go through with the act. If I were to describe it, killing oneself is a pursuit of peace or happiness that he or she cannot find in life. So rather than being cowardly, they are living like the rest of the world, just in their own way. But it is true that people who choose to live despite their desire to die are brave as well. I can admire that.