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How Do You Cope to Live

 
 
Neviril
 
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 01:00 am
How do you cope to live?

There are people who enjoy life and people who don't. It might be more correct to word it as 'people who want to live and people who want to die' but that'd make this unnecessarily more grim lmao. The latter: 1) learn to enjoy life in their own way, 2) cope to live, or 3) commit suicide.

Right now, I am in college but I have been coping to live since elementary school. Not that anything has really changed on the outside but I have grown considerably weaker emotionally. I have always considered suicide since I was young. Rather than calling it a passing thought everyday, it is ingrained into my subconscious as a desire, as a belief. But I know there are a ton of #2's out there, who haven't technically figured it out but do it anyway. They're different from #1's who might still be coping but have found a reason to live.

So how do you #2's live? How can I become you? I don't have the desire to live but if I am going to live because I am too cowardly to do the opposite, I'd figured I should ask the people who are living through this, and not the people who think they know what to say or what to do because they trained a certain way. It doesn't work for me. Pretty words go in one ear and out the other and being forcibly contained and monitored under something called under voluntary treatment is laughable and ironic. Especially when the choice is voluntary or involuntary. Medicine also seems to not work. Some of you might understand what I mean. Any #2's who can help?
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 06:35 am
@Neviril,
While you claim medicine "does not seem to work", there are plenty of different types of medications these days.

I urge you to get the help you need, and keep trying until you find some combination, perhaps of drugs and talk therapy together, to help you.
Neviril
 
  1  
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 11:31 am
@jespah,
I've taken Lithium, Risperidone (faulty diagnosis), Seroquel, and Abilify. They all feel like they work as placebo effects that I can't fall for, other than Seroquel which makes me unable to get out of bed (prescribed for insomnia) and so I stopped taking that. I don't want to spend years finding the 'perfect mediciation,' under the *assumption* that there is any. And that because medication works for many people, it works for everyone.

Talk therapy does not help unfortunately. I feel I do not fall in the category of people who change because they were able to talk everything out of their system. I pay attention but cannot absorb. Any lingering feelings of understanding why I shouldn't feel this way or that I should change from a session disappear the next minute, hour, or day.
0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 11:36 am
@Neviril,
Nev it could owe to a simple chem reaction. There are many mood meds on the market, both OTC and 'script

Edited to remark that when I returned to the thread,
Quote:
I don't want to spend years finding the 'perfect mediciation'
Ah well...

To go to your Doc and get a 'script. It might not take years....
Neviril
 
  1  
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 11:45 am
@dalehileman,
Well, my answers are based on my original post of wanting to find people who could explain how they continued to cope to live even after their 30s, 40s, and beyond to old age. But I am still open to suggestions...although truthfully a little unwilling. What medication do you recommend other than Lithium or Abilify? Preferably OTC.

And no, like you said, it does not take years to get a presciption but it could very well take years or a lifetime to find the right mediciation. Considering you have to wait to see effects after picking and choosing, and that we are assuming there is one.
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 11:50 am
@Neviril,
Golly Nev there must be dozens of both kinds. Tho 'script, recently I've found Sertraline helpful

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=Sertraline

On the other hand sometimes it's the med itself. For decades I lived in a sort of sluggishness, only a few times finding myself happy at midmorning for no apparent reason....

....until eventually it became clear that these few days were ones on which I'd forgotten to take my BP and chol meds. Best of luck to ya
Neviril
 
  0  
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 11:58 am
@dalehileman,
Thank you. I'll ask for a prescription to try it. Good luck to you as well. I'm glad you found something that works for you.
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Wed 6 Jul, 2016 03:15 pm
@Neviril,
It's about perseverance.
Doing so for others, not yourself.
If I came home tomorrow and found my gf and dogs dead - I would, likely, want to cease 'life' (Physical).
They are my purpose here, after all.
Having NO purpose can be provocative - But we never know what 'tomorrow' has in store for us.
I think that living (Physical) is a challenge and killing oneself (Unless in dire agony) is the height of cowardice.
Neviril
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jul, 2016 01:27 am
@mark noble,
I understand that but no one ties me to this world. I don't know who to persevere for if I cannot do it for myself. Yes, I care for my family but I believe my love for them only falls as far as surface level. I was a spiteful, nihilistic person all my life so I took family for granted. It was only recently that I started opening up about my depression to them, and even now, I haven't told them much. The problem is that I am only clinging to them because I stopped having the energy to be strong using hate or fear as a shield.

People often ask the question, "how do you think your parents/family would feel if you killed yourself?" If I were to be honest, I would say "I don't care. Why do I have to give up the option of peace because of them? I am tired of coping. I just want to rest." In other words, the relationship I have is superficial on my end despite how close we are. But other than my family, I can see no other purpose.

You're right about the endless possibilities of the future. It's just that it's been too long already, at least in my opinion. I am afraid of continuing to experience life and living this way (on top of other fears ofc).

I'll have to both agree and disagree on that statement. Morally, it could be said that suicide is 'the easy way out' or that it is cowardly but it takes guts to successfully kill yourself or even attempt to do it. Many stop at researching methods or keeping thoughts as thoughts but not many can actually go through with the act. If I were to describe it, killing oneself is a pursuit of peace or happiness that he or she cannot find in life. So rather than being cowardly, they are living like the rest of the world, just in their own way. But it is true that people who choose to live despite their desire to die are brave as well. I can admire that.
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 06:44 am
@Neviril,
Nev.
We all want to rest - But the challenge is to 'be'.

I lost all my 'blood' family in my teens - Went through the 'care' system, and suffered 'Maggies' 'Quick, Sharp shock' in juvenile detention centre (UK). I was then (At 17) abandoned by the social services and given a giro for 27.50 (pounds) and left in bedsitland to rot.
I had fu...all to live for.
30 yrs later - I'm grateful for what little I have and want for no more.

You may think me nuts - But I'd do it over again and again - Because it made me who I am.
0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 11:26 am
@Neviril,
Quote:
I'm glad you found something that works for you
Thanks Nev and best of luck
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 12:47 pm
@Neviril,
When I was a 2, I think I made the amazing discovery of what the minimum requirement was for humans to just cope. That was:

Something to look forward to. It only takes one.
It can be as simple as your next meal or as profound as finding out the answer to life, universe and everything.

If you run out of all of those, you become a 3.

So if you want to avoid that, stop everything and ask yourself, 'is there anything I look forward to?' When you do that, throw out every restriction except one, - it must not hurt others. If you come up with something, do it or move forward to doing it and don't stop. This surprisingly often results in becoming a 1.

If you honestly try your best and come up with nothing, then and only then move on to 3.



0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Jul, 2016 01:01 pm
@dalehileman,
Quote:
Quote:
I'm glad you found something that works for you

Thanks Nev and best of luck

Sertraline apparently has excellent long-term results but its benefit wanes in the early morn before pill time, breakfast, etc. So Nev when I wake early I take 5-htp, St. John's wort, ginseng, kava kava with excellent results

The last one is considered by some to be dangerous
0 Replies
 
 

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