Vertical Expression of a Horizontal Desire

In the vein of the definition of dancing being 'the vertical expression of a horizontal desire', the latest dictionary entries:


BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.

CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your partner's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for it.

DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.

ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to try to sleep with them.

HARDWARE: The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions.

INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".

PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience

PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand

PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room