on dating and friends

IMO after a "few" dates...no.

How does the girl come to be someone you're dating, stuh? Is she already part of your circle of friends or ... ?

Is she already a friend, or just someone you're dating? (I think those can be mutually exclusive, or so I've heard)

Do you tend to remain speaking to the girl? To the friend? How do you find out that the caller for the dance has hollered, "Switch partners!"? Is the new couple apprehensive about What Will He Think? Or are they honest and open.

I wouldn't be angry (after all you're not deeply in love after just a few dates) but I'd be curious.

To my mind, a gal with a wandering fancy is a poor emotional investment.

Better to have her amble off early than take off later with a piece of your heart.

Keep the girl in a box, like a veal.

Either that or try to get over this control problem...

Well I'm not talking about a specific girl, here...this is just a question I keep having to ask myself as it's happened with 3 or 4 girls and I'm sure it will happen again.

Beth, not really part of my circle of friends. I don't really have a "circle" of friends and the girls I date are usually just poeple that I meet. I've lost 2 girlfriends to friends of mine in the past also...

After seeing it happen before, I just get anxious seeing girls I date expressing interest in my friends. And I don't get it. It's not like I go collecting the phone numbers of their friends who I didn't previously know and calling them in my off-time...

Noddy, I agree it would be better to find out early. I'm just trying to figure out if what I'm talking about necessarily constitutes a wandering eye or if I'm just being paranoid.

You ask if I remain speaking...well, one of my best friends (who was previously involved in one of these incidents and later apologized and said he would never do it again) is now talking to the girl I recently broke up with (but still have strong feelings for)...I was talking to her as friends but discovering this I have just felt the urge to not know her anymore. I don't know...it's probably best for me to do this anyway to get over her.

But in the future, is it okay for the girl I'm dating to start calling and hanging out with my friends without me? It doesn't seem right to me.

It isn't "right"--but we agreed that madames with wandering eyes are not good soulmate material. Once a poopsie....you can't trust again.

Lol! I'll be laughing all day at those 2 lines!

I've got to ask stuh, though, do you really think all your dates are sizing up your friends and going for them after you, or is it just paranoia after the experience happening that way once? I ask this b/c it's not uncommon for people with like interests to meet and do things without the person who introduces them, especially if you were at work or otherwise unavailable at the time the meeting was supposed to take place... and sometimes instances work out like this one, true story: I'm a massage therapist and have met clients through other people and see the clients alone, then possibly develop a relationship with them, and have used a personal trainer who was the spouse of a friend, and he and I traded massage for training, and became quite good friends beyond hs wife's and my friendship, but it is all perfectly innocent... neither of us were poopsies w/wandering eyes, we were wondering if we could better ourselves with barter, and it did work... I'm thinking that it could be perfectly innocent, but you are looking through a plank of deceit and see what you want to see, kwim?

I think that's fairly common among guys, at least the ones I know. My husband's best friend did that to him all the time -- the gal this guy finally married dated my husband first, though in that case the guy was dating someone else, met this girl, liked her, so set her up with my husband who was then single. But it didn't work out between them, at all, but best friend was still interested, even though he was dating someone else, and...

Well, enough of that story, it only gets more convoluted.

Anyway, my hubby was obviously hovering the first time the best friend met me, and there was definitely a little bit of competition thing there, but not that it went anywhere. I have seen that with brothers, too, the whole competition aspect.

It don't have exact figures, but I have the impression that it happened to my husband a LOT before I came along.

I feel like Slappy or someone should be answering from the guy's perspective. (Hubby's best friend kinda reminds me of Slappy, actually...)

It is my opinion that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to such things.

Having said that, I will say that the friendship of two of my male friends was recently ended over a similar situation in which friend A broke up with his girlfriend (not me, I might add) and friend B moved in a little too fast. The problem was not simply that she was friend A's ex, but rather that he still had very strong feelings for her (she broke it off, not him). When friend B made the move the break up was still fresh and very raw, a large blow out between A and B occurred and friend B was put into exile (incidently, the girl did not pick up on B's offer).

In my opinion the actions of B were extremely inconsiderate, not at all the actions of a friend. He had no special affection for A's ex, so there was no excuse there, he simply saw an opportunity and went for it.

I suppose what I'm saying is that every situation is different, the girl has a right to be friends with whomever she chooses, but I would not tolerate a friend who keeps trying to steal your girl's affections.

Just a little bit of a question here.

Does a couple of dates make people boyfriend/girlfriend for the under 25 generation?





Cuz, like, in the 1970's - dating was just dating. Nothing more, nothing less. So, like, you could be dating a couple of people at the same time. No biggie. Seems to me, that kids are getting exclusive when they're 10 or 11 now. (I was listening to a couple of what I used to think of as "little girls" talk yesterday - and it was about dating and boyfriends and things about kissing that it downright startled me to realize they knew about)

well it's happened to me around 5 times, all with different guys and different girls. I've lost a few friends that way but I've never really gotten pissed off about it...I mostly hold the girls responsible.

ehBeth, in answer to your question: no. Boyfriend girlfriend means that a mutual decision has been made, it is not automatic after x number of dates.