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are we having an affair? or is it nothing

 
 
Reply Sat 18 Jun, 2016 08:47 pm
Please , I know this can lead to divorce, BAd situations ECT...but I am here looking for an answer to my question..thank you..

We have been talking and seeing each other for alittle bit of 3 years. He has talked about having sex with me but haven t done it yet. We ve done a lot of sexting and touching but not over that because we are both married and i only have limited of time to see him . Even when I was pregnant, he would tell me how beautiful I was and sexy. Would still talk to me emotionally and sexually but I refused to see him because of the pregnancy. My infant is 6 months old and he still wants to talk to me. I tried to tell him I was talking to someone else so he would back off but he confused how jealous he was an asked all sorts of questions. So I told him nothing was of it. I want to stop talking to him but I can t! This past week, he invited me over to his home ( for the first time) be his wife was away but I told him u had to work. Also, I would never step foot in his family home. He would bring up the past and says he had a fun time and WANt to relive it. We don t talk 24/7, usually on and off. We re not in each others business all the time. We re pretty chill for the most part. Is this an affair? What s going on? Why can t we stop? Even when we told each other we were stopping, we still ended up talking to each other. We set rules for no strings attach but he says those things. Which I don t understand. We are 21 years apart. He is 48 and I am 27. Will it end? Is it an affair or nothing?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,435 • Replies: 11
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Miss L Toad
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 03:55 am
@lovemeforver,
It is nothing.

Cut off all contact.

Focus on your child, husband and family.

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 08:10 am
Well - yes, it's an emotional affair, for sure.

Nothing good will come from this - you know it.

It's only a short time before you get found out by your husband - and his wife.

Your age difference suggests that he fills a father figure for you. His attention is something you crave. Does he make you feel safe and say things to you that your husband should be saying to you?

Counseling might help you discover why you risk your marriage for this side thing with this older man, who clearly is using you.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 09:28 am
@lovemeforver,
Congratulations. You have discovered that family and home are not the only thing in life that a person needs. But you are handling that need in an awful, dishonest and distructive way.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 12:18 pm
@lovemeforver,
The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get involved, there will be others on the other side of that fence.
STOP NOW.
lovemeforver
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 02:07 pm
@PUNKEY,
Nope, no father figure. He is the first guy his age I've ever talked to. I've been married since 18 so overall this is the first guy in general I felt attractive to since my husband.
My husband pleases me very much and does a lot.
I do crave the sexual attention. Not that it's lacking in my relationship but the intensivity is. As in my Hubby isn't as dirty as he is, verbally and visually. Which gets me aroused.
0 Replies
 
lovemeforver
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 02:09 pm
@PUNKEY,
Wait.. Sexting is an emotional affair?
0 Replies
 
lovemeforver
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 02:10 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Ha, I think Im aware of the consequences. Thanks for the obvious. Grass is always greener, yes but I'm content with my family. I won't want to leve them.

StAntonius
 
  2  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 02:39 pm
@lovemeforver,
Emotional affair, clearly.

Don't be surprised if you find that even knowing you could go too far, are bound to get caught, and are risking losing "everything" you treasure is not enough to get you to stop.

It would be noble of you to stop it for the sake of your loved ones, my guess though is that it's something about *yourself* that you need to put your finger squarely on.

In my younger years I had missed out on girls who had been showing interest in me because it's several years later when I had gone far away that I realised that that was enough to count as showing interest. That realisation brought about a constant state of regret.

So much so that it turned into a phobia and I could not keep myself from going to the other extreme of reading too much into every little 'sign'. I lost way too many friends owing to this state of mind, but the urge, the phobia, was too strong.

It's only when I surmised that whichever girls had been presently responding positively to something sexual with me seemed to have systematically had some forms of emotional abuse in store for me down the road that I finally told myself:
"Look, normal women do not want an affair with a guy like me. Any woman who does has her own plans about what's in it for her, and it's nothing to do with exploring my body."

And in there was my compelling reason to finally rest easy that there's no regret to fear from here onwards.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 02:54 pm
@lovemeforver,
Quote:
but I'm content with my family.
Really?
As I said before, congratulations on realizing you are not.
lovemeforver
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 07:09 pm
@StAntonius,
You're right...
0 Replies
 
lovemeforver
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jun, 2016 07:10 pm
@Leadfoot,
Hmm good thing Sx is not involved..
0 Replies
 
 

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