Confused about my sexuality

I think the fact that people feel more comfortable coming out as anything but non-straight is awesome.

However I've seen a lot of this sort of thing -- people "come out" as a specific identity, only to find that it's maybe not the one that fits best.

If you're getting feelings for a guy, you may not be lesbian any more than you're straight. But the complicated part is that you may not "be" bi/ pansexual either.

The mechanisms are still not understood but it looks like guys tend to be a bit more innate (they "are" gay, straight, or some combo -- some number on the Kinsey scale -- and that stays) while girls can completely change their number at different points in their life. It's not that you weren't lesbian/ a 6 on the Kinsey scale, but you might no longer be that number.

I've seen more and more use of "queer" to just indicate "not completely straight all of the time, other than that, who knows."

A littttle rant, if you don't mind.

I see this issue come up a lot within my daughter's circle of friends (and acquaintances).

I'd love to see things get to the point at which it doesn't matter, at all, and there's no particular reason for confusion. People don't agonize about whether they're attracted to redheads or brunettes, and then declare that preference and stick to it forever. People just go along and meet people and maybe they'll be attracted to a redhead at one point and a brunette at another.

Of course, right now, the issue is that the baseline assumption of society is that you're attracted to brunettes, the vast majority of love stories you see are about the protagonist being attracted to brunettes, and attraction to redheads is not seen as a neutral attribute. Attraction to redheads can get you beat up, or worse.

So it's important for the people who are attracted to redheads to feel safe, and supported, and able to express pride rather than shame.

But we're at a kind of a weird point right now. Things have improved enough that people who are even just a little attracted to redheads feel that they can say so (and feel that they're being dishonest if they "hide" it). However things have not improved enough that being attracted to redheads is nbd -- it's not yet neutral enough that the agonizing can be completely avoided. Declarations DO have an impact, so there's pressure to figure out what you're going to declare.

Hope we're on the path to true neutrality. Redheads (and lefties) really were seen as weird and shameful for a while there, we got past that somehow.

Stop worrying about what category you fall into and go with your emotions.

You don't owe anyone any explanations what so ever, this is your life, go with the flow and be true to yourself, no matter what that decision is, time will help you work out which way sexually you wish to go in life. Love is love. Love is not about sexual orientation..

I agree. Call yourself by your name, not a sex-preference label.