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Thu 2 Sep, 2004 09:19 am
（Editing needed)
The swordman in blue coat struke his rival with his sword 3 times in a row, while the swordman in brocade shirt continually fended off all the strikes. The former bellowed, brandishing his long sword straightly from the upper left conner to the ground, with a fierce force and a horrible speed. The latter, vigorous and nimble, leaped back, successfully dodging the strike. His body bounced upward when his left foot just touched the ground. "Whoosh,whoosh",two times his sword struck the rival. The swordman in blue coat stood still, and a cold smile slightly sliped from his lips, while his hand swaying his sword lightly, shielding off the strick.
I think it should be 'swordsman'. "The swordsman in the the blue coat struck (not struke)" and you could go with "the swordsman in brocade" and leave out "shirt". "The former" is technically correct, but not very literary, just my opinion. Maybe find a more poetic term. "Leaped" is used, but so is "lept", whichever you prefer. Last sentence should probably read: "The swordsman in the blue coat stood still, and a cold smile slipped slightly from his lips, his hand swaying his sword lightly, fending off the strike." Just suggestions...
Thanks Cavfancier.
Regarding "former".
Originally, I wanted to use "the man in the blue coat" again, but it seems not terse. I could not find the poetic term. May someone here can help.
You could just use "the blue-coated swordsman". It's different enough to add interest. I just thought you could also use "the brocaded sowrdsman" in place of "the latter". The two phrases echo each other, and read in a literary way, especially for an adventure story!
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