How to Propose?

mysrh- Welcome to A2K!

Why don't you simply propose to your girlfriend? You might then want to invite the two sets of partents out to dinner, and make your announcement.

If you are REALLY into Western culture, after she says "yes" you can go together, and both of you can pick out an engagement ring that she likes, and you can afford.


Good luck!

Tradition has it that you should present her with an engagement ring (often diamond) upon proposing. It is only necessary for her to have one. If she accepts, of course, you will eventually have to buy a pair of wedding rings (one each), she will there after wear either the wedding ring alone or both rings together. You will be expected to wear your wedding ring too.

If your girlfriend accepts, and once all the parents have been informed, you will be expected to formally introduce her to your parents, this can be done over a nice family meal, at home or perhaps at a restaurant, and she will do the same with you and her parents. Then of course the future parents-in-law will have to meet, all four of them, perhaps for drinks, whatever makes them comfortable. You and your girlfriend/fiancee needn't be present for this.

Then of course comes all the fun of figuring out who gets to pay for what. :wink:

As for the proposal itself, pick somewhere that is special, somewhere where you can be guaranteed of time alone with each other. Try to make the setting at beautiful as possible. Make sure you prepare something to say and do rehearse it, being stuck for words at a time like that is no good at all! Just say whatever is in your heart.

Of course, traditions relax with time, and as Phoenix pointed out, you can do things differently according to your own (and her own) style. If she's a very independant sort she may prefer being able to pick her own ring.

I hope it works out for you!

Oh, and as an additional note, the ring finger is always the one next to your little finger on the left hand.

I agree with Phoenix's suggestion of popping the question--in a very romantic spot--and then shop together for the engagement ring. Remember, she'll be wearing this ring for a long, long time and she should like the way it looks on her hand.

Most jewelers when warned in advance will prepare a tray of possible rings within your price range.

One thing that is appreciated by parents (mine had four girls...so I heard enough about this!!!) is if you approach them and ask permission to marry their daughter. If you are planning a surprise for her just ask them not to tell her and then you are free to surprise her in the way that you would like.

The parents then are free to talk with you about their concerns or any issues they have. This way you are aware of them ahead of time and you can deal with them out in the open. It has been a great thing in our family.

That's close to what I was thinking of. You might want to talk to your parents first. Not to ask their permission or for their help, but to ask if there are any traditions they'd like for you to respect.

When we got engaged, it was with my grandmother's engagement ring. My mother got it out of the vault and just gave it to RP (my husband) and said something like, won't this look nice on J__? Of course we'd been dating for a year and were about to start living together, he was no stranger to my folks. We also couldn't have afforded as nice a ring so that was thoughtful of my mother.

In the same way, your mother might have something special she'd like to give to a future daughter-in-law. It would help to bridge the gap between modern and traditional if you involved your folks a little, and that's a way that you can involve them that is respectful.

Oh, and congratulations! :-D

WOW, thanks for the reply, guys! I'm a forum junkies, but this is the first time I find a forum where people act so mature and respect each other.

Well to continue the story, I've been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years, and she already knows all my families and cousins, and she's already sort of counted as a member of my family. I've known her parents quite well too, and also her twin sister.

And my relationship with my girlfriend is really open, I think it's just me, but I always pour out all things in my brain to her, she's like my walking diary :wink: She seems to learn that too from me, so we share all good/bad things, even things that for many people are secrets.

She's really my best friend and at the same time a lover
So maybe I feel i've taken for granted about my relationship, that's why it's hard to make something special/formal. I've known that she's going to say 'yes' anyway, since we've already talked about getting married plenty of times. That makes me uncertain that if it's the case, should I still do propose her just for the sake of formality?

Also I currently live in Australia, while my parents are overseas. I don't want them special coming here just to do the proposing.
The other reason why I don't want too much involvement from my parents, because when it comes to wedding, they are going to plan to celebrate it in an extravaganza way, party at expensive hotel with hundreds of guests whom mostly I don't know. I know they do that for prestige, again it's something quite common there. The money spent is from them, the presents (which is usually less than the cost of the party) are uaully for the bride&groom, the prestige is for you-know-who.

My plan is I want to have a simple wedding with my own money and celebrate it with my immediate family and close friends only.

So there I've written my diary for today. Hope none of you is snoring now.
Thanks again for the warm welcome and the helpful replies

Here's one I read about that's very romantic... I'm not saying copy this, but here's just an idea.

The guy asks the girl to meet him at his home (which was not in the same state at the time). She gets on a plane and flies to her hunny just expecting a fun weekend together. She is the last one to leave the plane, and as she is walking, the other passengers hand her one rose each. Finally, the last person is her boyfriend, who has a bouquet of flowers, gets on one knee, and proposes.

A friend of mine proposed at a fancy restuarant and hired some professional guy to video tape it as he prosposed.

Definitely propose! Do it properly, make it something that your lovely lady will be able to look back on and smile, something that'll give her that warm and fuzzy feeling in years to come.

As for your family, expect them to fight you about the small wedding thing, parents just love to show off their kids. In the end you'll probably have to compromise on some things, a few concessions will do a lot for their happiness and really wont hurt you.

Hmmm... I'm not a party person, and big wedding always drain my energy out very quick (because I'm an introvert), if that happens, I won't show happy face, which means bad

Yeah, probably what I need is some ideas on how to propose I still have till early next year to propose, still have some times for ideas.

Tradition in America has changed. It used to be you pop the surprise in a quiet romantic place, but now you have to do it in front of an audience.

The best method is to bring the little gal on the Jerry Springer show, and after you introduce your other lover, the retarded midget with no arms and her mother, you all get into a big brawl. After letting your future lucky gal kick the midget's ass, you get on your knee and propose. Very romantic.

My wife and I didn't do things quite traditionally. I proposed the day we were moving, with boxes all around us, and no furniture. I had however, bought the engagement ring, which I had custom-designed. For the wedding bands, we each paid for our own, as we were short on cash, but got matching ones. We also paid for our own wedding, and kept it very small, just under 30 people. It was wonderful.

In what part of Australia do you live? The Botanical Gardens in Melbourne are a beautiful spot for a romantic moment and with spring getting started everything will be in bloom. You can even arrange a place for a little privacy, or just take her on a tour.

Oh, go ahead and propose! No matter how long you've known each other, and no matter how many times you've talked marriage, there's something about a proposal. It need not be on bended knee or anything of the sort. It can be at home, in the botanical garden, as fortune suggested, or wherever.

Just let her know that you love her (of course she knows that, just tell her again :-D) and you want to be with her forever. And here's a small token of your love (out comes the ring).

PS Yeah, you'll probably compromise on the wedding, and it may end up being larger than you want. Part of that, like you said, is prestige, part of it is also obligation, as your parents have probably been invited to their friends' children's weddings, so your folks need to be able to reciprocate. It may be easiest for you to sit down with your parents and say, I'd like you to handle __ for the wedding and we'll handle ___. And then stick to it. This doesn't even mean that you pay for what you handle or they pay for what they handle. Mainly, it means you stay out of one another's hair. Of course, all parties look over each others' decisions, the main idea here is that, for example, you look at flower arrangements and aren't bothered by others looking over your shoulder as you make your decisions. Be prepared to compromise and it'll be fine.

A lot of jewelers will agree up front to trade any engagement ring you buy for one the bride prefers. So I'd just get a simple solitaire, and let her know she can choose whatever she wants. If she has definite tastes in jewelry, she will like the idea that she can choose. But go with her, of course, and tell her that her choice is perfect.

About the wedding...if your parents are out of the country, where would they want to hold a wedding? Perhaps you could have your own small wedding at your expense in you & your girlfriend's home town and invite all your friends. Then your parents could throw a wedding for you in their home country. It really is an important social occasion for them, too, and no doubt they've been looking forward to it for all of your life.

I know several couples who had more than one wedding. It's not that unusual.