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Loyalty

 
 
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 02:43 pm
I am torn by thoughts more than ever recently. I may have the wrong belief about guys not being able to be loyal and once I rationalize that it may be all in my head and talk to my guy friends about it, I hear that it's evolution; men are to reproduce and your expectations may be unrealistic. Hence, I'm losing my hopes in monogamy.
So, my question is: Could a guy not only be loyal in action (because I know many are) but also not to desire (thoughts and emotion) to have sex with other girls at any point in the relationship (which means as long as such thoughts are not commands, there are no issues)? The reason this does not fulfill me is that I want my relationship to be full of passion, intimacy and affection and if men can't handle the endless variety in women's beauty and attractiveness, how are all these components to be maintained in a long-term relationship?
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Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 02:47 pm
You raise an interesting point. I don't think that if a man notices that a woman is attractive, it means he is being 'disloyal' to his current partner. There is noticing and there is acting. I notice pretty women all the time, but it doesn't mean I am going to do anything about it, and it is not just because I think it would violate some sort of code, it's because my lovely partner is all I need, and I am not looking for anyone else. As you note, appreciation of the opposite sex is an essential part of a successful relationship.
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Real Music
 
  2  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 03:35 pm
@Briseis83,
I believe that it is perfectly natural for a man who is involved with someone to find other women attractive. If he didn't, I would suspect that he was a walking corpse without a pulse. The only thing that really matters is his action. If the man never acts on his physical attraction of other women, he is being loyal.
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FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 04:43 pm
@Briseis83,
The key is in your words. " I want my relationship to be full of passion, intimacy, affection" followed by "endless variety in women's beauty and attractiveness.

But if a woman does not show her man that endless passion, intimacy, affection, beauty and attractiveness, inside and out then he becomes an empty person does he not and visa versa.

Faithfullness comes from two people that are genuine with their love, not lust and continue to work that in all areas necessary together.

Nothing wrong with looking, nothing wrong with light flirting. If the relationship is solid, a man in my opinion will remain faithful as he has it all.
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 07:40 pm
@Briseis83,
I am of the opinion that the only guy who never wonders about another woman, is a guy with no sex drive.

That said...how on earth do you think he became attracted to you in the first place? The ultra obvious answer is through his sex drive.

A guy may be interested in your intellect, and the things you have in common, and he may truly enjoy your company for those things...but in a partner, sex comes into the equation, and this has to involve the sex drive.

Although that statement is very obvious, the reason for it's statement is this - you cannot just turn your sex drive off.

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Then there's the other side of the equation - a guy can be faithful throughout his entire marriage, because of the morals, beliefs, values, and principles he has....but that doesn't mean he can turn his sex drive off...

...and nor should you want him to...because that'd mean he no longer wants to have sex with you.

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Rather than becoming cynical about sex drive, why don't you admire a guy who is true & faithful to you, even while they experience a sex drive?

Doesn't that say a hell of a lot for their character, principles, values, morals, and thoughts of you?
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