Who vs. Whom- I give up!

Hi, group. Not sure just exactly where in the world I have landed, but FWIW I’m posting from the west coast of Florida. I’d like your learned opinions on a minor dilemma I have been wrestling with.

Regardless of how hard I try, I can’t get who and whom consistently right. And Lord knows I’ve tried- read all the rules, studied the examples, paid attention to how smart people use the language. It’s just hopeless at my age. (Don’t go there- I’ve tried it.)

So here’s my question. Although, I do know when to use “whom” correctly on occasion, usually I have no clue. I won’t dare use “whom” unless I am dead certain I am correct. Obviously, anyone listening to me speak who (whom?) is skilled in the language would quickly see that I don’t know the rules of usage. So if I am only using “whom” every now and then perhaps I should not be using it at all? Most Americans use “who” in their everyday language anyway.

Thanks,

Al