U.S. JUSTICE DEPARTMENT TEST

The US Justice Department attempts to test the comparative effectiveness of the FBI, the CIA and the NYPD by pitting them against each other in a test.


To do this, they select three identical forests and into each they set free a particular rabbit to mix with the rest of the rabbit population. Each agency is required to go into its forest and bring back the designated rabbit, dead or alive.

The FBI approaches the task by surrounding the forest, torching the place with flame throwers, killing every living thing and then announcing to the Justice Department: "We got the rabbit".

The CIA groom an alternative rabbit administration back home, parachute in an elite squad of trained rabbit mercenaries to infiltrate the rabbit military establishment and spread damaging propaganda about the existing rabbit hierarchy, which eventually begins to shake. Following a quick and bloodless military coup, the new military leadership announces "open and fair" elections. The CIA's home-grown alternative administration wins by a landslide and is declared the legitimate and popularly supported government. This government proceeds to intern and torture all opposition, eventually reporting back to the CIA that their designated rabbit has been found and neutralised.

When the time comes, the NYPD enters its forest. Within hours, a huge commotion is heard. There is much angry shouting, punching, banging and groans emanating from a dark corner of the forest. Eventually, the commotion dies down and the NYPD emerge with an enormous grizzly bear in tow, hands cuffed behind his back, looking much the worse for wear and pleading: "Okay, I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"