I need to find my dad

I was adopted at birth and never saw my birth dad after 3 weeks. my birth mom lives nearby so i can see her when ever. but i want to find my birth dad so i can be happy. (I suffer from depression and anxiety) i want to know him and see him because i have re accuring dreams of a man in blue shirt and black fancy jeans standing next to me. i don't feel fear but rather anger and guilt and torment and emptyness and then he vanishes. he goes some where that i cannot he is outside my plain of view and he is lost. that's when i wake up (sobbing sometimes) because i feel guilty like it's my fault he left, like if i weren't born they would've stayed together. but then i just want to see him and be happy because if i never find him i will not die of age but rather suicide. (after about age 60 i will think he's dead)