Unsupervised kids + car accident w/a learner's permit!

Dd13 asked to go to her friend's house at 3:30. They live down the road: a mother w/2 dds: 15 & 13 (an oldest lives in Vegas.) No big deal, right? Just hanging out w/friends after school, right? Dd13 had her homework done, so why not, no? Well, the mother, it turns out, was visiting the oldest dd in Vegas and the aunties were supposed to pick up the girls or make sure they go to school on time (they all live close by.) The dd15 has her learner's permit decided to take the other kids at the house cruising to McDonald's for some food... They went and got some food, went to several fast food dives it turns out... the 15 yr old was burning rubber and wanted to go meet up with her friends, so my dd13 and her friend and another 13 yr old asked to be dropped back at their house... Anyway, she went out again, burning rubber, and met up with her friends, came home, no brakes left, and hit the wall! The only good was that it happened on private property, so the police couldn't get involved (the mom works for the police dept, btw.) It was a big scene, w/aunties and uncles intervening, or so my dd tells me.

While the 15 year old was off in the car, the 13 year old had a bunch of friends over. It was just kids getting together, but a mixed group. Nothing happened with them, this time, but...

I'm still trying to sort out what I am feeling about all of this. Dd13 used to be best friends w/the younger girl about 3 years ago... they had a falling out over some little nothing thing but are firends again, just not best any more... The older girl is exceptionally pretty, but has attached herself to older kids since intermediate school. The mom is gone a whole[/i] lot... But, on the other hand, there, but for the grace of God, go I...

My dd13 thought it was legal for a child to drive with a learner's permit. She didn't hear me say that you can't drive without the learner's permit. Also, I thought she said that they were walking to the 7-11 (about 1/2 a mile down the road from the girls' house.) But no, apparently, dd13 thought I gave permissionfor her to drive w/her friend's older sister w/just a learner's permit!

How would you handle the lessons to be learned from this golden teaching opportunity? We've gone over listening to the content of what Mom said, rather than hearing what you want to hear... A brief touching on responsibility for your actions while driving... I've never had a teenage girl before. My boys, I controlled to the nth *. I was trying to let dd13 have more room to grow and find herself. She found herself piled up 2 above the bottom, on a a boy who is the neighbor of these girls (a boy dd13 mentions more than most, whatever that means...)

I am thinking of telling dd she can have the girls over to our house, even the boy (they live about 1/2 a mile down the road on a private road) but she doesn't get to go over there unless the mom is home (she usually is working: it costs plenty to live in Hawaii~ I have chosen to work only enough to pay the minimum to live so I can be a sahm most of the time my kids aren't in school.) The mom and I aren't close, but should I offer any sort of assistance I can be? Or should I mind my own bidness here? Just take care of my own? I don't mean to sensationalize this, but so very little that is extraordinary ever happens to me...

Apparently the 15 year old felt that it wasn't her fault that she took the car since the mom left the key in the house. The story is still unfolding. I suppose this is a chance for dd13 and me to bond some more, so I am going to watch "Mars Attacks" w/her. I can see a number of teachable moments here, but not sure I will be able to mine them all... It makes me not want to work more than I do, but to do so condemns us to financial poverty...

Do you all ever think how if we just desire nothing, how life would work so much more simply? If the mom (in this case,) didn't work, she wouldn't be able to afford to go to vegas or[/b] have a nice car... Or have left money for kids to go buy their own food... But, on the other hand, who in their right mind leaves a pair of young teens home alone for about a week???