Devastated

Clearly (now), he's emotionally stunted or emotionally unaware of the effect on others about what he's sorting (or sorted) through in his life. Some might call it signs of narcissism on his part. He was cheated on by her...and then ... in some direct or indirect way, ... he cheated on you with her.

He isn't the person you thought he was and that advertised himself to be. In a few short words, he has lied to you and manipulated the relationship. Don't participate in his life drama. Stop the dance.

Sad to say, but it's time to move on. I don't think it'll be easy, but heal yourself the best way you know how and get this person out of your life and any contact whatsoever. Delete and/or block any contact.

I think this is simple. He is still emotionally attached to his ex. He wants to try again to work things out and get back together. There is nothing wrong with him. He simply has feelings for her. Nor does this have anything to do with you.

Sure it hurts now. But better that this happen now than down the road when you two had been together longer. (You did not say how long the two of you had been dating, but I take it that it has not been for too very long.)

Don't wait on him to come back to you. Move on. If he changes his mind and comes back to you, tell him you have changed your mind about him and you are not ready and cannot emotionally connect with someone who cannot cut the emotional ties with an ex.

Thank you for your response. I would be more understanding (which clearly I have no choice) if this wasn't a back and forth tumultuous relationship that he has told me is unhealthy. I just don;t have much sympathy for him on it if he knows it's not good and keeps going back.

I don't think you need to have any sympathy for him at all. Whether he knows it is good or not is irrelevant. He is choosing to go back. He is choosing to try again with his ex. You may not like it. You may think it is bad for him. You may think he is making a mistake. (And he may be.) But it is his choice.

All you can control is you. When I was much younger than I am now, I had a somewhat similar situation with a woman I was dating. We hit it off well and I thought we were perfect for each other. Up until the time she dumped me because I was too serious. She got married 6 months later to a guy who was 12 years older than her. (She had been close friends with he and his wife. Wife died in a car accident about the time she and I started dating. She decided she wanted to give it a go with him.) I "believed" she was making a mistake. But it was her mistake to make. In the same manner, you "believe" your guy is making a mistake. But it is his mistake to make. At least it is happening now instead of a year from now. lol

Good luck to you.

Sorry about your hurt. I know how you feel.

I think if you REALLY think about it, you will find that he's just living out his character.

I had a similar situation in my past. When I thought about it, I realized, well, that's just the way he REALLY was: liar, cheater, immature, impulsive, needy. It should have come at no surprise for what he did. But I was blinded by love and my own issues.

Time will allow you to see this for what is really was.

Did they end up together forever? I know it ultimately doesn't matter... just curious

Yes. And I hear he is miserable. But I no longer care.

He's right where he wanted to be.