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Thu 26 Aug, 2004 10:58 am
My stepson has such an ugly situation on his hands. He doesn't know what to do.
His mother and her boyfriend moved here from another city about two months ago. Already, they have been evicted from the little apartment they'd rented and both of them are now living with her son.
Background: this woman, diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, beat her son and daughter for years until their father finally gained custody of them when they were nine and ten years old. Needless to say, the relationship she has with her son in particular (daughter is in the military) is very, very dicey altho' she prefers to just "forget about all of that". This dilemma has caused him alot of emotional problems in the past. He finds it impossible to forget and is torn between wanting her out of his life completely, for his sanity's sake, and feeling guilty thinking like that because she is, after all, his mother.
She's a user, plain and simple, and she is using her son, as she's done so often in the past, to live off of. Now her AND her man. Both of them are in their 50's and very heavy drinkers so it's just a non-stop good time for them with her son footing the bill. In the meantime, my stepson is miserable in his own home and called this morning to ask if he could stay here for a few nights, just to get away from them.
My heart bleeds for this man. His father is sick and so pissed off about it but doesn't know what to tell him or how to help him. What should he do?
Gawd, how terrible.
My only thought is for your stepson to move with no forwarding address, but I doubt that that's much of a solution. Thinking.
Sounds like a winning solution to me but of course, we're not in his shoes or his conscience.
Get them out and change the locks. Or move, if necessary - and don't let them in.
That's what they told one of my friend's dads when her schizophrenic sister kept moving back in with him. The psych involved with her case told him that he wasn't doing her any favours by letting her live with him. It was allowing her to avoid the treatment she needed. It took him a few years to get up the nerve to do it, but he did and the whole family's doing better now.
Your stepson may need to get some counselling help of his own to understand that he doesn't owe her any help.
Is this precious pair able to come up with a security deposit and first month's rent? Do they have any income or is it partied away? Can your stepson endure for another five weeks?
The first of October this year is a Friday--a good day for moving.
He must announce that while he's glad to help them out temporarily, he's setting a deadline of the 1st of October. Eoe, you can back him up in your, sweet, unassuming, cajoling way.
Remember, a tendency towards schizophrenia is inherited and stress can bring on a breakdown in those who are susceptable. Your stepson may be fighting for his life as well as for his privacy.
Good luck. Be prepared to call the police if necessary (and mention this in a sweet, unassuming cajoling way early on in the announced eviction process).
the son needs to tell them to get out, give them 2 weeks to be gone and have everyting out of the place, and if they aren't gone it's time to call the cops.
Oh yes, "forget about all that." I know all about that.
What a horrible situation for your stepson. He definitely needs to lay down the law, but I understand that enforcing it could be hell. Agreed with suggestions for counseling to deal with (undeserved) guilt.
Of course, demanding that they move isn't your stepson's doing. The mean old landlord is objecting to three adults in an apartment that was rented to a single man.
Sorry to hear about your step-sons problem eoe. It might help to tell him that matching DNA does not make that person his mother. If he is in a situation that is mentally and physically dangerous for him it is only wise to gt out of that situation.
Buy them both a one way ticket to Nevada.
Whaddaya got against Nevada?
Thanks for the advice guys. I stay out of things between my steps and their moms as much as possible but of course, my husband is a different story. I'll be sure to pass these words onto him. Any more advice or ideas, please feel free to chime in. I'm all ears.
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