How to fix a heart?

You have my sympathy. The course of true love never is a smooth one.

Just a quick question for perspective: how old is he and how old are you?

He is 24 and I am 23. We first began so called 'dating' when I was 15 and the relationship ended shortly before I turned 20. I went through very difficult times with him from other girls to drinking/drugs and then he left me when those things became more important. Over the past few years we've both worked on ourselves and making a better future. He dated other people, I tried to but I felt to broken to pursue anything with anyone and I didn't want to. In December we reconnected and its been going so good since then. Im about to graduate college and hes got an amazing job and he has built a better life for himself. I am beyond in love with him and theres never been any doubt that I can see myself with him and he does make me happy but I can't shake this horrible broken heart feeling that ive dealt with for 3 years. I thought it would just go away and ive tried to just give it time but its not. I don't know what to do. Im happy but then again im not because that hurt is still there.

What does your boyfriend say when you talk to him about this?

I've got a feeling that your "hurt" is really fear, based on the past.

Do you TRUST this man?

Hello Emily

I would recommend that you go personal counselling because you need to talk about your hurt and your fears, in depth, with someone - so that you can arrive at an understanding, for yourself, why you feel this way.

Self understanding, can then lead to some more control over your emotions, or the use of tailored coping strategies, and may also improve conflict outcomes with your other half, as they arise.


That said, your partner is not a good idea for this sort of thing, because the conversation you need to have is about yourself / who you are inside / what is making you tick or hurt or fearful...it's about who you are as a person...

...but should you have that conversation with your partner, it is very likely that a number of times during such a conversation, he will hear 'you're saying I'm a bad person / this is all my fault' etc.

Nor, unless he is an exceptional or trained listener, is he likely to ask 'what when you say....what do you feel / what are your hopes / what do you think causes you to say that' etc (ie asks questions that continually clarify what you feel & why, to help your understand why you feel the way you do)

If you can see that happening, that doesn't make him a bad person - just human like all of us. Hence I'd recommend personal counselling.

One word: forgive.

Sorry emilyann
keep in mind the best things you did together,I once had the same issue with my lovely girlfriend,where we broke up for a couple of years but we fought for our love and we are great together.we had to forget the past bad things we did,and accepted the time change in life.

First of all, you need to drop the guy. By now, through all the ups and downs of this so-called relationship, you folks should have been married and had at
least one baby.

But no! You're both "tossing and turning". You've got to pee or get off the pot.
Find a new guy, establish a strong relationship and then+++++get married!!