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combined tranquility with mobility

 
 
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2004 05:26 am
The sentence below needs editing.

His works, with a good taste that he learned from Mother Nature as his master, are both leisurely and grand, having formed his unique style that combined tranquility with mobility.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 553 • Replies: 8
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stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2004 07:06 pm
oristar, I would like to help, but I think you need to let us know in a little more detail how you are trying to describe this person, because right now it is not very clear
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oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2004 07:49 pm
Hi stub,

The sentence means:

His works, whose unique style is learnt from Mother Nature, combine grandness and leisure, tranquility with mobility, and are graceful.
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stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2004 08:08 pm
hehe

leisure does not mean anything in this context, you will need to describe using different words so i can help you pick the correct word..

also, tranquility with mobility doesn't make much sense, and almost sounds like a contradiction.
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oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2004 08:42 pm
Let's see a painting that includes verdant mountains and running horses.

The verdant mountains are tranquil while the running horses are mobile.
The artist is good at painting both the two. That is, his painting has combined tranquility with mobility.

Then the contradition disappears!

Regarding leisure.

We all have some leisure time in our life. During the time, we relax and enjoy anything that can please us. Usually, we act in leisure for pleasure, not for greatness or grandness. Just as we enter a bar to drink something, we go for leisure, not for grandness. For grandness, we would work hard in our office or lab, trying to make a breakthrough in sciences.

It reflects in paintings, the artist is good at painting something leisurely, as well as good at painting something grand.

So how could you think the "leisure" here made no sense?
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stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2004 09:05 pm
ok, thank you for those good descriptions. I'll give it a go:

His style seems to be inspired directly from the natural world which he paints. He is able to capture the serene beauty of the forest, as well as the liveliness and motion of the creatures which dwell in it. He paints almost casually, but the simplicity of his strokes unveil a world as detailed and mysterious as our own.
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oristarA
 
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Reply Thu 26 Aug, 2004 06:19 am
Nice Stuh. Very Happy

But it seems a bit too concrete and too long.

Could you make it terser?
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stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Aug, 2004 08:41 am
He is able to capture the serene beauty and lively motion of nature using his simple impressionistic style.

why would you want it to be so concise? the more concise your writing is, the more the reader has to pay attention to every single word. I have often found that if I only say things once, people read it over and have no idea what I'm trying to say, because they didn't read it slowly enough and think about the actual meaning of every word. I'm not advocating long repetitious descriptions, but I think in general it's better to write more clearly than less with confusion..for instance, I had no idea what you were trying to say in your original post.

by the way, my name is "stuh" not "stub"
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oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Aug, 2004 09:08 pm
Thanks Stub.

I'm sorry for misspelling your nickname. Just because stub is not only most like "stuh", but it also helps to remember.

I'm learning English, so I have to learn how to write both in terse format and long expression. That's all. Very Happy
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