How to kick a guy out after a hookup?

@ehBeth,

Now i know why I like belly dancers so much.

@Olivier5,

It's an interesting group. About half work in financial services in real life, with another big group working in animation production.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Animation? Like animated movies?

1 Reply

@Olivier5,

tv and film

animation is big business in Toronto

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

now that's funny - it's precisely what happened when I tried to end a bad date early

we'd gone for our first meal together. between the time we ordered and the food arrived, I realized the date was going nowhere. I said I'd forgotten I had to pick some groceries up and needed to leave right away. Called the waiter over and asked to have my meal packed to go as soon as it was ready. The guy said to pack his food too, he was coming with me to help with my groceries I said not necessary. He said yes and followed me home. I told him the date was not working out. He didn't believe me. He called for months. It only ended when I moved to another city.

Good God. I've had the same (basic) thing happen to me. Amazing since you know how blunt I am.

I think it's funny that the women responding so far (don't know what PUnky is, but apparantly lives on the planet 1955.), meaning the OP, ehBeth and me, are all saying be upfront, we know what we were here for, I like you but we're done, it was great, see you next time.

I think the grocery think brought up by both Oliver and ehBeth is a little, just a little strange. Groceries? Of all things? Putting myself on the receiving end of that, if I was oblivious and wanted to hang around, I'd say "groceries? Naw, go get them later, let's just hang."

I'm trying to see what Oliver said, about women not feeling entitled, that's it's not ladylike. I guess that's an age factor. I could see a quite young woman, doing that. I think (hope) that today that more women are able to make their sexual needs known. I mean, they were there, having the sex, it's no surprise.

Best would be if one person could say to the other "how about coming over for an hour or two?" Put it right out there. You both know what your coming over for, and for how long. You could even add in "Then I have to....."

If that's not enough, there's "I have to be someplace in a little while, and I have to get ready. Let's get together again sometime."

If the other person says "I'll go with you" the answer would be "No, that wouldn't work"

Motels? Making someone breakfast? Yikes.

2 Replies

@chai2,

When I thought of the grocery thing, the only other thing I could think of was to tell him I found him boring and wanted to get away from him. Given how dense he turned out to be, I could have said that and it wouldn't have put him off.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

When I thought of the grocery thing, the only other thing I could think of was to tell him I found him boring and wanted to get away from him. Given how dense he turned out to be, I could have said that and it wouldn't have put him off.

From 0:18 to 0:35

I have actually said this jokingly to good friends.

0 Replies

How to kick a guy out after a hookup?

Mention commitment.

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

Didn't know that. I'm a big fan of animation. Anybody i know, character-wise?

0 Replies

@chai2,

Quote:

I think the grocery think brought up by both Oliver and ehBeth is a little, just a little strange. Groceries? Of all things? Putting myself on the receiving end of that, if I was oblivious and wanted to hang around, I'd say "groceries? Naw, go get them later, let's just hang."

I'm trying to see what Oliver said, about women not feeling entitled, that's it's not ladylike. I guess that's an age factor. I could see a quite young woman, doing that. I think (hope) that today that more women are able to make their sexual needs known.

I didn't mean the grocery thing literaly, just as an example of an excuse one could give.

Since the dawn of time, the highest hope of MANkind has been that WOMANkind deal with sex more casually. Thank you for your words of hope!

(and if really the guy DOES follow you to carry the bags, that's a plus in my book. Good men do the groceries and carry bags.... But perhaps that's another age thing.)

2 Replies

@Dtothebook,

Ok first off...You are a grown adult and you know the risks associated with casual sex.. That said I think being upfront with the guy is the best thing. If he knows it is just casual sex he will probably be in and out before the clothes on the floor are cold. No offense guys. I just meant that if you both agreed on things before then he won't expect breakfast and spooning. Talk to him.

0 Replies

@Olivier5,

Olivier5 wrote:

Good men do the groceries and carry bags....

the very best men bring home cranberry and blueberry juice

1 Reply

@Olivier5,

Olivier5 wrote:

(and if really the guy DOES follow you to carry the bags, that's a plus in my book. Good men do the groceries and carry bags.... But perhaps that's another age thing.)

Except that....he's following you, and you don't want him to.

I certainly appreciate when a gentleman takes the bags. My husband does that whenever he sees me carrying something. However, I want him to be with me.

I don't know if you've run across this Oliver, but I would bet anything most women have come across the following situation. Of course this is a stranger situation, but you get the idea...

You're carrying something, unloading, doing any sort of task in public. You are very obviously not struggling. Man approaches you, and literally starts phycially doing your task. Doesn't ask "do you need help?" Just takes your things. Or maybe he does ask if you need help, but you say "no thank you", but he just takes over.

That's a classic red flag.
Women either ends up letting the man help her, and she could end up in a very bad place. Or at the least has now let herself fall into the situation of thinking "Nice girls don't object" At the least the woman ends going against what she wants.

Or, you refuse help more firmly, and the response from the guy is seldom (never), "oh, I'm sorry, I'll let you handle it" Oh no, it's more like, on the more mild end "no, let me help you, I don't mind" to "GEEZ! I was JUST trying to HELP!" and could even include being called a bitch for not letting some stranger into your space.

Nowadays, if that happened to me, and I got called a name, I would say "Well, now I see what you're really like, and I really need you to get away from me."

However, those girls/women who were raised to be ladylike may actually apologize to this guy for daring to go against what they want.

So yeah, person you know helping is very nice. Stranger doing that? No.

1 Reply

I'm just getting old . . .

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Don't use that as an excuse.

I'm 57 and the longer I live the more I'm a believer in people should be able to be as sexual as they like, as long as it's not hurting someone else.

It's not immoral, or unethical, or anything negative.

0 Replies

1 Reply

@Setanta,

That's right.

0 Replies

@chai2,

I tended to offer help to women (and a few men) carrying heavy stuff in the subway stairs when i lived in NYC.

(I actually enjoyed the New York culture of civility quite a lot -- people there are not barbarians. 8 ml people crammed on a few small islands need to learn how to behave i guess... I tried to play my part, offered my seats to the ederly and the pregnant and the likes. I am also old enough that once in a while, a kind youth would offer me his or her seat)

Generally the response was negative, and I never insisted.

Once a girl said yes. Cute, asian. Then once we were on the platform she said she was from Australia, all alone in the city for a week, and trying to find some youth hotel.. I said: My flat is empty -- you wanna spend the week there? No strings attached.

She said yes and for a week we lived through a very nice though sexless romance of sort, going out every night, getting drunk and merry (darn, these ossie girls can drink) and singing Edit Piaf to the top of our lungs (non, rrrrien de rrrien, non je ne regrrrrrette rrrrien!) in the streets of Upper West Side at night... She brought me to a male stripper join in Soho, something she wanted to see. She talked the bouncer into accepting me in. I don't think i ever laughed so much in my entire life.

We're still friends on fb.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Olivier5 wrote:
Good men do the groceries and carry bags....

the very best men bring home cranberry and blueberry juice

Oh shoot... I never do that.

0 Replies

@Olivier5,

Well you're doing it right Olivier.

You asked if someone needed help, and didn't press.

I offer help to people who look like they may need it too. It's not necessarily a man/woman thing.

The difference is I don't think many women would offer help to one man only because he is attractive to them, and ignore another.

1 Reply

How to kick a guy out after a hookup?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know