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Will time heal the wound?

 
 
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 01:06 pm
Recently went through a break-up. I'm at that age where I'm investing my full efforts into these relationships. Obviously being myself and taking my relationships serious. Problem is, my ex, verbally said that she was looking for/doing the same. Actions stated differently when she broke up with me for her reason being "discovering herself again" she hit me up a few weeks after the break-up to be friends. I told her no, we got to a point where she wanted to "talk" but still be open to other people. I dropped her right there and told her no. It's been 4 months since the break-up. She just hit me up telling me how much she missed me, and thought about me and possibly wanted to try things again, but start "talking, with only intentions of being with each other." I went about to tell her that the feelings of missing me are natural, it's a break up. But the thought of us getting back together crosses my mind a lot. I do love her, she knows that. She's stated it herself but actions seem different. My problem is though, why can't I move the hell on? Deep down, I want to give her a chance. I want to date her again. but I can't deal with the bullshit. I remind myself constantly about how I deserve so much better... that I gave her way too good of a love that she deserved, yet... I can't let her go. There is a constant battle in my head over it and every single time I fall back to giving her another chance, when I for one know, and all my friends I talk to tell me.. she doesn't deserve. I guess I'm asking for advice, either a gentle push in the right direction... or a slap across the face.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,406 • Replies: 8
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 01:42 pm
At least she was honest. She needed some time to see if you two were right for each other. So why punish her for making the discovery that you weren't so bad after all?

Is it your pride that keeps you from giving her another chance? You say you love her. Don't be a nitwit and lose her because you can't give her another chance. At least begin a conversation.

(PS - I'd be interested in finding out exactly why she broke up with you since you claim that you gave her "way to good of a love.")
ConfusedCanvas
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 01:50 pm
@PUNKEY,
You see, I'm willing to give her another chance. We talked last week, came to the point where I told her, "You miss me, and I do miss you... I'd like to go about this again, but I'm at the point to where either you want to try this, or I'm not going to put my emotions through this situation where you don't know what you want, and I'm here in love with you." It's been a week with onetext a day, no where along the lines that she's made a decision yet. ***We've been through this process 3 times in the past 4 months and this is the last one for me***

The break-up was a "it's not you it's me" break-up. She was dealing with a lot of self issues of hers and she couldn't be happy with herself, thus she couldn't give me a solid effort in the relationship, so she broke up with me. I understood and went my way, but got very confused when she would hit me up every other week, literally for a day.. then leave me alone for a week again. She states that she is much better now than before, but I still feel like I'm talking to the same old girl that isn't being comepletly honest with herself.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 01:53 pm
Was there another guy involved?

Why don't you forget the "love" stuff and start back just getting to be friends again. No sexual pressure, no commitment, no obligation, no decisions need to be expressed.

Just spend some non-confrontational time together and see if you can even stand to be around each other.

ConfusedCanvas
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 01:57 pm
@PUNKEY,
Half-way through our actual relationship she kept in secret, that she communicated with her ex still. Hung out with him and everything. I forgave her and we proceeded on, few months later was the break-up. Since the break-up, she's posted pictures of her and this other guy...literally 20 days or so ago.. so I don't know if that's what you mean either. This is a LDR if that changes any of your responses. As for spending time, we did have phone-calls here and there where we would just talk, but for me personally, it's hard to set aside my feelings for her.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 03:13 pm
@ConfusedCanvas,
Quote:
She states that she is much better now than before, but I still feel like I'm talking to the same old girl that isn't being comepletly honest with herself.

Relationships...successful ones...are all about honesty.
If she can't be honest with herself, how can you reasonably expect a relationship of any sort and expect for her to be honest with you?

You seem to have chosen the wrong gal..or chosen someone caught at a time in her life where she is unable to be in a committed relationship of any sort. She might need some sorting out for an extended period of time.. Counseling or otherwise.

Sorry..but it might be time to move on.
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FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 04:59 pm
@ConfusedCanvas,
When someone still holds a torch for an ex, there is nothing you can do at all until they totally get over them and find themselves and are ready to move on.

I can't help but feel that she likes the security you offer but her heart is not there, yet the ex is an ex for a reason but she can't move on.

You're at the right stage in life, you know what you want and you're ready to find it. She's not.

Move on.
ConfusedCanvas
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 08:31 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
I remind myself daily, I keep telling myself it's all a matter of time. Maybe because it's because I invested/trusted so much, but moving on has never been this complicated for me. I'm aware that, that's what I need to do... but damn do I keep going back and fourth in my head trying so damn hard to stick to the choice of moving on. I'm sure it'll come to me in time, but I just want to hit myself in the head, pass out for like 5 months and be over all this bull.
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 May, 2016 09:39 pm
@ConfusedCanvas,
You know as well as I do, that, if you can't have something you want it more than anything.

The reality is, if it is meant to be it still will be, somewhere down the track.

She's not ready to let go of her ex, so she can't give you what you want but also ask yourself this question, what can / did / does she give you that is so fantastic that you can't let go? I'd say nothing that someone else can't give you and then some, I'd say it's because you can't have her. That's all x
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