"Comparing" two "couples"

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krox...

Welcome to A2K.

Comparing relationships may be a thought-provoking exercise, but I doubt that such comparisons can provide real understanding.

Are you comfortable with the situation? Is your lover comfortable? Some couples might think NASCAR would provide a delightful day. Others would rather visit an art museum. Still others would opt for a rock concert. Differences in taste and behavior are not necessarily rankings on a "right/wrong" spectrum.

As long as there are two solid layers of cloth between your eggs and his sperm, pregnancy is unlikely. I won't say "impossible", but very unlikely. Since your petting is definitely hot and heavy perhaps you should consider some form of birth control--just in case there is one itty-bitty uncalculated slip.

Well, first off, there's no sense in comparing your relationship to another couple's. They're them, you're you, 'nuff said. So whatever happens (which isn't your business anyway, and your friend should have a little discretion and keep that info to herself) between your friend and her guy is as relevant as the sexual relationship that the Queen of England and Prince Philip have. So forget that.

As for your own relationship, you might want to ask yourself why you are continuing with your virginity if you're just going to go up to the brink anyway. I'm not saying that you cannot technically remain a virgin, but the bottom line is that you are sharing intimacies with someone. While it's not penetration, it's close, and, well, if you're saving yourself because you want to have your future husband be the first one you share such intimacies with, well, you might want to redefine that, since intimacy is already being shared. Yes, you probably still have a hymen, but that's about it.

As for whether you can get pregnant, that's a question for your doctor. My instinct is that you most likely cannot, but check with a certified medical professional in order to be absolutely sure. I don't want to tell you the wrong thing and have you rely on it.

I can, though, tell you that sexually transmitted diseases may be passed this way. Even without penetration, it's possible, because there may be sperm leakage. Less likely, sure, but it's not 100% impossible. So that's another thing to keep in mind - not to scare you, but you need to be sensible about such things.

Finally, yes, you should think about why you are not returning the pleasuring. In a situation such as you're in, any fear of pregnancy or STDs can be allayed by having the fellow wear a condom. But is that all there is to you not doing for him what he's doing for you? Is it just fear of pregnancy, or is it something else? I'm afraid that's a question that only you can answer.

Howdy!

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hth

I'm new too and look at my post count. attn wh0re in the making. hope you enjoy it here as much as i do.

Definitions might vary within some religions, or the difference may be a generational one (except of course for a certain ex-president) - many people of my generation think what you are already involved in is sex. Everything about it is sexual. You are just not participating in, heh, full blown intercourse.

I heard greek girls have anal sex that way it still means they are virgins when they get married....!?!

Could be a stupid urban myth... but anyway...

everyone is different, sex is different for everyone...

Don't ever compare 2 couples kcrys. Apples can't be compared to oranges in a way that is meaningful, and the grass will always seem greener elsewhere, due to shadows and light, refraction, or possibly the placement of a septic tank... And ego is the part of us that makes us judgemental, and it's not our prettiest side (jmo) so don't reward it with thoughts.

Virginity is a wonderful gift that, once given, cannot be returned. So keep your gift. Save it for your wedding night, or when you know s/he is the one for you. I understand that people give it away rather casually, but if you want it to mean something, save it for a special someone and a special occasion. The right person will appreciate it, and the wrong one won't. Iyanla Vanzant, who is a life counsellor/author of numerous books advises one stay still when one is unsure of what to do, that humans often choose to move when they are lost or unsure of their direction, and that ends up with them becoming more lost and more unsure. Stay still until you are clear as to which direction you should go, she advises. (I wish I'd read her books sooner... sigh...)

Now about the give_and_take... Ya know, some guys just like to give and don't expect much in return, and others expect the woman(partner) to provide all the bells and whistles. The best relationships are those where you want to give, as well as get. In my own personal experience (and I am a princess, so I won't kiss and tell anything particular) the best relationships are those where you are following him somewhere (let's say in cars,) and you are excited just to be following him somewhere. You know when you get to wherever you are going he is going to make passionate moves on you, press up to you in the most intimate and wonderful way, and you want to return the pressings and passions. You even get a rush as you drive in anticipation. Ahem. If you don't feel that, he should not be the one. If he's not the one, then you don't have to worry about things being reciprocal. You just need to worry about things being over nicely, so you can still be friends.

At 19, you have plenty of time![/i] I do recall thinking that if I wasn't madly in love and engaged by 20, something must be wrong with me, and so I cnvinced myself I was madly in love with my first dh, who was a nice guy, but not the one for me. So, if you don't mind me meddling in your bidness, take your time and do other things besides worry about your relationship with one guy![/i] Visit a foreign country, go to college and get a degree in something you are passionate about, get a job, think about making a difference in the world as it is now, and just let this relationship run its course. [/i] In all likelihood, this is only the start of all the good and interesting things relationships have to offer, so don't rush things, let them unfold.

Sox:It will be a challenge to sort out the best counsel on these matters. Most guys are'nt very helpful. You are so fortunate to have two (count 'em) wonderful people with wisdom, experience and beautiful souls...Jespah and Osso buco. They are almost like God Winks for you at this time. Listen to everyone, everyone means well for you. But listen well to these gentle spirits.
Welcome here. Maybe someone prayed you here.

Sox:It will be a challenge to sort out the best counsel on these matters. Most guys are'nt very helpful. You are so fortunate to have two (count 'em) wonderful people with wisdom, experience and beautiful souls...Jespah and Osso buco. They are almost like God Winks for you at this time. Listen to everyone, everyone means well for you. But listen well to these gentle spirits.
Welcome here. Maybe someone prayed you here.

Ah, I wasn't all so helpful this time, I was just commenting on people's different understanding of the meaning of a word.

I agree heartily with princesspupule on the ways she suggests enlarging your life, kcrox.

On virginity, one should figure out one's own idea of its value and listen to oneself. Your own ideas may change with time, but don't make decisions based on someone else's pace in the realm of sexual desire and fulfillment. I agree that being "still", waiting, is wise if one is unsure of a course to take. And with virginity, it is true, ya can't go back, at least not exactly. But you can choose at any time, even after what is called 'loss of virginity', to use great discrimination as to when you are sexually involved.

I always wish "loss of virginity" was balanced conversationally with "gain of joy", as the occurrence should be. When one does it just to get it over with, taking a learning step, or isn't involved wholeheartedly, the real joy isn't there. Much sex is this way, not fully personally involving, and I'm not against that, it's just how it is. Many people lose-their-virginity in less than storybook ways (or sometimes funny story ways, and sometimes very negative ways, such as force.) But if the occasion is very important to you as being special, don't throw it away.

Personally, I'm really happy I had figured things out, sex-wise, by the time my hubby came along. And it took some figuring.

Soz, the older I got the slower I jumped into intimacy. I don't know why. The love of my life, who I met 3 years ago on line, and I didn't become intimate for 2 years...it made all the difference in the world. A bedrock of friendship and respect is so important. Lord! I've changed.

thank you guys so much for all of your help/advice/tips/opinions. i understand a lot of what you said and really did take it to heart. we took the first step and talked about it last night... made it clear there were no expectations and no pressure... unfortunately it also means weve digressed because something that should be completely natural will now be awkward for the next bit of time... but i stand behind everything i am and have been and know that in the end im the only one who can make the best choice for me...

and on that note, anyone got tips for not making it so awkward... like the first time u and ur mate talked about something trying/hard and then the situation came up again, how did you handle it? if i do decide to reciprocate, i dont want it to seem like im doing it just because we talked about doing it... if that makes sense...

Yes, makes sense. If you both want the best for each other it won't be awkward.