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Mon 23 Aug, 2004 11:02 am
This could be another one of those situations that wont work out, but I just thought i'd get a male perspective on what happened maybe (: I went to a party with a friend from work on saturday. She kept mentioning that her friend matt was going to be there and she has been trying to set him up with someone. I met him, he seemed nice and cute, but was kind of quiet-he's 31. She and the rest of his guy friends mentioned a few times that he has no game. We got to this party at about 3 and of course there was a ton to drink. I ended up getting drunk, but not to the point where i was falling down. I talked to matt kind of a lot, but i couldnt tell if he was really interested or what. We ended up making out is the long and short of it.
THe friend who brought me is kind of seeing the guy who was having the party so i wasnt sure if she had wanted to stay or not. at about 1:30 ish she told me she wanted to leave. I got ready to go and told matt i was leaving. HE asked for my number...he didnt have his cell phone though so he wrote my number on a paper plate. He kissed me goodbye then said that we shouldnt leave and that we should not be driving...i was like, i think we're ok and he said, i'm going to go tell her she shouldnt leave. he told her and she said she was leaving, then the guy she is seeing told her to just stay...so she decided to stay.
Matt and i ended up on the couch wathing the olympics. there were other people in the room as well. When everyone left and the lights were out, we made out again and he tried to do more, I said no and he seemed fine with it. It was very uncomfortable on the couch, in the morning i woke up freezing and he covered me over with a towel while i was still asleep. The next morning we talked, he is really nice, but i couldnt get a feel on how he felt about me...we went out to breakfast that morning with my friend and his friends. We got back to the house after breakfast and i sat down on the couch-everyone else had gone upstairs-he sat next me and said, well it was really nice meeting you. To me that was kind of a bad sign-it sounded like it meant, it was nice meeting you but this is the only time we will meet. i just said it was nice meeting you to, then my friend from upstairs yelled down to me to use the bathroom now. So i got up.
Apparently when i was using the bathroom my friend went downstairs and said, so what do you think, i guess he said, she's really nice, and then i started coming downstairs again. My friend also told me the next day that one of his friends said to her that he seemed into me and it was unusual for him to be spending so much time with one other person at one of their parties...I have no idea if he'll call though. He did ask for my number that night...but then the next morning when i was leaving he said nothing about calling or getting together...it was kind of awkward with people around though...what do you think?
diana...
you asked for a male perspective
I'm an old fogey
but sweetie, can you PLEASE start spending time with these people without any nookie for just a tiny bit? Then you wouldn't have as many questions about whether they like you for you or whether they like you for nookie.
I think I'm glad you asked for a male perspective. Although IF you had asked for a female perspective, I'd say you have learned nothing from the excellent advice given in your first cry for help here. Puh-lease...with a capital P.
Sorry, diana. As a male I already put in my 2 cents in your last thread. You don't seem to realise the great advice you got, or maybe how to implement it. That's ok...we can run through it again if you want.
Patience IS a virtue, Panzade. What a gentleman you are! (ok, this is my last reply to a Diana78 thread, for real.)
re
but nothing sexual happened with this guy...forget i can see thsi is a tough crowd
Hmm, making out isn't considered sexual? There's a lot beyond slot a/ tab b that is sexual...
btw it's not the sex stuff itself that bothers me. If your posts went something like:
"I went to a party the other day and there was this totally hot guy and we talked for a while and man he had the most amazing lips and I just had to kiss him, and he was a great kisser! So we made out like all night -sigh- it was wonderful. He seemed nice enough, I think I might call him and see if he wants to get to know each other a little better. If not, oh well, that was one fun night...!"
Then I would have no problem.
But you never seem to say much that is positive about these guys -- the emphasis is on what they think of YOU. As emphases go, that worries me.
I can't recall where I saw this first, but one good piece of advice I've seen about dating is that people - women in particular - should treat sexual situations, and even just kissing, like driving. That is, if too drunk to have some impaired judgment, don't do it.
I am well aware that drinking lowers inhibition levels, but that's really the point. If you end up necking (and/or more) with someone who you would not have done that with when sober, then it's just the alcohol talking. Most people don't make out with folks they just met. So it was the alcohol working on both him and you.
Will he call? Helfino. But in the meantime, like soz said, things seem to hinge a lot on whether he likes you. Did you like him? Do you want to see him again, or do you just want to make out with someone? Hey, no problem just having a makeout buddy, but don't expect phone calls and dates in that kind of a situation.
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well i got the update...apparently my friend said she talked to him yesterday and he said he was going to call me. SHe was like, oh you didnt lose the plate? HE said he didnt want me to think he was avoiding me and that he was away for work...i really didnt think he was avoiding me since it was only the next day. he said he was going to call me tonight (last night) or tomorrow (today). Apparently she set him up with someone before, it didnt work out so he told her, you did much better than last time...so i guess it didnt go as bad as i thought...my friend said he sounded happy...
And what do you think of him, diana?
re
i dont know what i think of him really, he was cute and nice, but i'm just glad he 'might' call because i'll feel rejected if he doesnt.
Why? Why should you feel rejected if someone who you've invested so little in (and who's invested so little in you) doesn't pick up the phone? Save these feelings for when someone you really care about falls out of touch.
But to my mind, you're pinning a lot of your feelings on a very small thing.
Here's a piece of completely unsolicited advice. If/when you get yourself into a similar situation again, be the one to get the phone number. Not the guy - you. Take the bull by the horns. Say you'll call, if you want to. Then call, if you want to. What I'm getting at is, this is 2004 and not 1954. No one will think less of you if you are the one who does the calling and the man is the one who does the waiting. I am concerned that you set yourself up over and over again, by being sexually receptive and then dependent upon someone else for your happiness - someone who you might or might not actually like or who may or may not suit you in any way but sexually.
And suiting you only sexually is fine... if that's what you want.
Which brings us back to, please figure out what you want and go for it. You seem awfully ambiguous about this guy. I understand that you're recovering from a big break-up and sensitive about rejection. So I dunno, maybe you just need to go through this stuff for a while until you get back on your feet. It's just dangerous in many ways, though (especially your mental health) and I think we'd all like to see you get back on your feet in more proactive ways. And THEN go and pursue a relationship with a guy you really, really like.
I mean, let's take this thinking further. He calls you. You're relieved that he hasn't rejected you. You continue to do what you can to keep him interested (even though you don't actually like him that much.) You guys start being a real couple. You heave a sigh of relief -- for a minute. You're desperate not to break up. He senses your desperation. He tries this -- do you break up with him? Nope. He tries that -- do you break up with him? Nope. He figures out he can walk all over you because you are so desperate not to be rejected. Etc., etc.
So if you want to have an occasional hook-up 'cause you're horny while you get yourself back on your feet, well, fine. But PLEASE be careful about this emotional stuff. Please only do the hookups if you're emotionally ready for them.
What's the rest of your life looking like? Found any other single friends yet?
re
well my friend saw him last night...she e-mailed me this morning and was just like, i think you two will be going on a date this weekend, i think i could bet money on that. I asked her what he said but she didnt answer...obviously something had to have been said for her to tell me that. I asked if he said anything bad and she was just like, no why would you think that? I just want to know what he said...i mean he hasnt called yet so i'm curious, but for some reason she is not telling me what was said in their conversation last night.
Re: re
diana78 wrote:well my friend saw him last night...she e-mailed me this morning and was just like, i think you two will be going on a date this weekend, i think i could bet money on that. I asked her what he said but she didnt answer...obviously something had to have been said for her to tell me that. I asked if he said anything bad and she was just like, no why would you think that? I just want to know what he said...i mean he hasnt called yet so i'm curious, but for some reason she is not telling me what was said in their conversation last night.
Diana78:
This is like, great! It would be like really awful if he said anything bad about you like maybe you're a bad kisser or like maybe he didn't want to date you. It is like so good for your self esteem that he wants to date you! I'm so happy that you were able to attract this man and make a good impression upon him.
His approving attention of you will make you feel good. I know like you want to hear all the good things he said about you to give your ego-feeding neediness some boosting, but be patient. I'm sure your friend will fill you in on all the delicious, good comments later. Just savor your success. Another conquest under your belt! Yippeeeeee!!!!
Report back when he calls you. I can't wait to hear all the good things that he says about you!
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Debra, you are like such a bitch
Re: re
diana78 wrote:Debra, you are like such a bitch
Wow. And I thought I was being so supportive and telling you all the things you wanted to hear. Go figure.
That was like, funny.
But, diana, I think you may want to find a different way to express your displeasure. Calling someone a bitch will get you bounced.
How about, "That was shitty."
Seriously, diana, it is bad for you to start 'relationships' off by making out. If sex is all you want, then it's fine. But like sozobe said, in so many words, if you want more than sex--a relationship--you need to stop making out before you know someone.
Guys don't fall in love with girls who act slutty. They tend to think you sell yourself out sexually to anybody, because that it how your behavior seems.
We're only a tough crowd because (I think) we're very honest, and older.
You wouldn't want us to lie to you.
<psst...Debra...better cool down the subtlety here. Hey, at least you're only 'like' sutch a bitch, whose pedigree has yet to be revealed and not the bitch in question herself>
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