Work-related crush gone bad

Probably just read the signals wrong. If the girl was avoiding you she probably just didn't know how to deal with the situation. Don't think of her coldness as dislike, it's just the last resort for a girl who doesn't know how to say "No" more clearly without hurting your feelings.

Next time? All I can say is, if a girl displays a negative reaction, be cool about it, brush it off so she doesn't feel guilty about it. That way you can still get along as co-workers without all the uncomfortableness.

And a male friend is anything but lowly. Some of my best friends are guys (if I called 'em lowly they'd probably have a laughing fit! Or make me buy the drinks next time, or both!)

One suggestion - don't look for romance at work. That might have been what freaked her out. After all, you were a manager there. Even if you weren't her manager, even if you worked in totally different departments, the problem with non-harrassing workplace relationships (the problem with ones based on sexual harrassment are, of course, obvious) is that, if you break up, you've still got to see each other a lot. So she may have been concerned about that. Unless you worked in a very large company (Fortune 500-type), the potential for seeing one another every day is very real. And that can be a major dealbreaker for someone who isn't sure if it'll work out but still wants to stay working at the same job.

Workplace romances are a definite no-no in my book. For the very same reasons that jespah mentioned above, especially the idea of having to look at someone everyday that you've broken up with. Horrors!

there's a real crude saying..I'll paraphrase:

You don't poop where you sleep.

And as I was told...

Don't dip yr pen in the company ink.....

Or 'poop' where you eat.

probably a better way of saying it eoe.

Eat or sleep, even dogs won't do that.

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. Rest assured, I've learned from this experience not to pursue people at work. It changes the work environment markedly, and your job performance suffers.

I don't feel too much regret for what happened, though. When its something you want very badly, its better to try and fail, then to fail to try. Lesson learned.

Absolutely!

I would generally agree not to dip the pen, but now I'm caught on the other end. I want the ink really quite badly! Some people also say you are likely to find your partner at work - especially as it's sometimes hard to socialise outside of work and get to know someone well enough.

so, here goes.
A woman started here several months ago.

We started talking one night in the pub after someone was leaving the company - although the conversation didn't last long, it did last long enough for her to put her msn id into my phone. Since then we've chatted daily at work via msn and got along reasonably well, same taste in music and although we've known each other a very short amount of time it somehow seems longer.

Many times I get the impression she likes me and, recently, I've started becoming attracted to her. Of course there are times when I think the 'her possibly liking me' part is just hope and I am seeing things that aren't really there - misreading signals and what not.

Ultimately, I would like her as a friend if nothing else - but I am in two minds as to whether or not I state to her, plain and simply, that I am attracted to her.

The possible outcomes I see are thus.
1) she likes me too - we take it from there.
2) she doesn't like me. At last I know for sure and get back to a normal working/friend relationship.
3) she doesn't like me and is uncomfortable with my attraction.

At the moment the 'not knowing' is having a negative affect on 'us'. Our msn conversations are often tinged with short curt comments as if we were a couple having an argument.

I'm frustrated with it, but should I tell her - or just keep quiet and hope normal friendship resumes in the near future?

Advice, comments, common sense all appreciated.

Cheers

Read ALL posts above.

yes, I did - I get your feelings on the matter, and in many ways agree.

The sensible thing is to try and discard all emotions and keep it as a work only thing. Just not the easiest thing to do at the moment.

I feel ya. Sometimes when Cupid shoots his arrow, we just can't get out of the way fast enough. But to pursue it could prove disastrous.

so...theoretically, if I managed to get her fired - there wouldn't be a problem!

Kidding, of course.

We've now established we need to talk and this should be resolved over the weekend. I am not going to pursue this relationship.

Somehow, writing it down here has kinda helped to clarify things.

cheers

Cheers back at ya!