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Fri 20 Aug, 2004 05:32 pm
I'm a bit confused now, over something that happened just a few days ago, tried to give the matter much thought or just no at all, thinking I'm making a hen of a feather, maybe someone else can offer some advice.
A few days ago, I went to see some friends I've known for quite some time. One of them happens to be a woman I once had a rather serious crush on, it's all rather random, and I'm not sure if I understand it myself but it was quite some time ago. Added to this, I can't say I've ever known her really well, but something about her made me fall for her, at that time. She never paid me much attention so it died, over time, or so I thought.
Since then I've been through a rather serious relationship, to someone I was prepared to commit to rather seriously, but it failed, caused much pain, changed my perspective on many things.
Now, I hadn't seen this woman in over 20 months, she just hasn't been on my mind for ages, yet for some reason she happened to talk to me and my friend and we decided to come and see these people and we booked tickets on the spot.
This is the fun part, or not, either way, right away when I show up she takes an interest in me she has never done before. This is someone who has never been more than platonic to me, and later the same night we end up alone and have a very honest and deep conversation, I end up holding her, my arms wrapped around her stroking her, and it was more than just platonic, if she were a cat she'd purr (!). And this is me, someone who is not very huggy about himself, I don't hug people impulsively and I guess I'm a bit reserved around people I am not on such terms with, this woman isn't my girlfriend so I keep a distance, except now.
We didn't go further, the mood wasn't right for it. We talked and she asked me how I could possibly have a crush on her considering how little I've known her. How she thinks she is so different to different people and that I couldn't possibly know her true self. We started talking very personal matters and I realized that I connected to her, in ways I haven't had to any other woman. We really took comfort in each other's presence, I realized how similar we are at heart, and how much we have in common.
She's a very complex person, such a multi-faceted personality. She was claiming she's never been in love with anyone and that no one has ever really been in love with her, apart from me, so I guess that makes me rare. But the more of her I see below the surface the more I like her, and more than just a friend you can drink and hang out with.
I think what happened confused us both, I discovered emotions I didn't knew I had and I was extremely confused, like I said, just jumping in bed with her wasn't the first thing that struck my mind (still, this woman is very attractive), rather get to know her, like I've never had the chance to do before. I care about her in a very special way and I'd like to see where this could lead. The only way to find out is to see her but she lives quite far away so spending time with her isn't easy.
I wish I knew what she meant by it, maybe it didn't mean anything or it actually did. What makes matters worse is that she's leaving in two weeks, being away for four months on a whole different continent.
I don't want to push her and I know what reality is like, four months is a very long time, a lot can happen.
I just don't know what to say and if I should say something at all. A part of me tells me that if these things are meant to be they work out by themselves eventually, and that silence speaks more than words. Or, should I do something symbolic to show her that I feel a special way about her, more than just a crush, or am I just making a hen of a feather, just overreacting? Maybe time will tell what is meant to be. I'm really not sure at all.
Blueberry Surf--
When you read my advice, keep in mind that my perspective of time will be very different from yours. I'm in my middle sixties and I suspect you are in your early twenties--or even late teens.
Twenty months is not such a long time. Four months? Christmas is more than four months away--but I've ordered my Holiday Cards.
I don't think you and your friend should make heavy commitments at this point in your mutual exploration before a four month's separation--but neither should you assume that a four month's separation makes a growing fondness impossible.
Explore. Enjoy. Give yourself time to recover from your last relationship.
Good luck.
women can be pretty confusing. she could be just looking for a good time before she heads off, she could also think further ahead...you just cant read these things so easily.
Women can be just as confusing to men as men are to women!
Take your time, let things develop as they will, and if it's meant to be, so it shall be.
Obviously you have chemistry together, let it be, allow the distance to set you straight, and go with the flow!
As Noddy said, 4 months is a nano second ... there's people to see, places to go, and life to be lived!
Do you have her address, email or snail address, or phone number? I don't mean to bombard her with letters, but a short note of straightforward appreciation might be welcomed.
Yeah, time will have its course. If it's meant to be, it will be, nothing I can do anything about so no need to worry,
karma you know. The situation was just somewhat unexpected and I've been confused by the whole matter.
I was thinking of saying something, not sending some huge letter but maybe a card or something, by regular mail.
Just wasn't sure what was appriopriate and whether I'm just overinterpreting things. Women are both a blessing a curse.
... and women LOVE to get cards via snail mail!
That you actually went to the trouble of buy and mailing a card says a lot, so go for it:)
Ohh this is a good one. Blueberry Surf sounds like a nice guy. Great advice. Noddy's right...4 months is not a long time. Misti is soooo right . Gals love to get snail mail. Keep in touch with her for sure...something may come of it! Plus, if all goes well with the correspondence, you'll have a dynamite reunion to look forward to. Perhaps absence does make the heart grow fonder. Good luck! ( PS: Noddy24, I'd love to hear how all of your stepsons turned out...you mentioned them in a past thread.)
Four months can seem like an eternity if you're staked naked to the ground in the blazing hot sun during the day, being slowly devoured by insects, and the nights are cold and interminable; nights where you can see the eyes of animals all around you, and some of them come closer and closer until you can feel their breath, and maybe one or two will rip your flesh as they take a tentative bite.
But everything's relative. Maybe four months of waiting for the woman will zip right by.
So, Gus, were you ever young?
osso seems a bit curious when she wrote:So, Gus, were you ever young?
Yes, osso, I was young once. I still remember the carefree summer days, running through tall grass chasing butterflies, wading in creeks looking for tadpoles, jumping off bridges into the cold water of the slow-moving river, and returning home and going downstairs into the dark, dank basement -- where my daddy hid the bodies.
I cas still see the soft mounds of earth, still smell the decomposition process.
They eventually caught my daddy and took him away. They tore down the house after an exhaustive search took place.
They also dug holes in the yard and all over the property.
The final count was 27 or something like that.
But thanks for asking about my childhood, osso.
Was yours as nice?
I guess I am sorry I asked that question exactly here. Perhaps we might discuss our situations some place out of the immediate thread where this conversation isn't appropriate. I have no doubt if I suggest Cav's bar you'll decline, so I'll wait for you to suggest someplace...
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